Your Brightest LifeNäide

Know who you are, or someone else will tell you.

If my “eras” were famous enough to inspire a world tour like Taylor Swift’s, there’d be just as many costume changes (though decidedly fewer sequins). I’d regale you with songs from the High School Sweetheart era, inspired by a steady boyfriend, youth group lock-ins, and varsity football games. The Outdoor Enthusiast era, when a group of friends convinced me to buy rock climbing shoes and spend my weekends camping in the desert with coyotes. During the Intellectual era, I’d join the studious elite, wearing a black pea coat and scribbling sappy poetry on the backs of classical concert programs. And to finish off the set, I’d blush through the entire Band Groupie era, in which I followed a cute drummer to all his gigs and found out what really goes on backstage.

I wish I could chalk up these distinct seasons of my life to a girl figuring out her interests. But, perhaps like Taylor’s, most of my eras were influenced most by the people in my life—their attention, expectations, approval, and quirks. Basically, my personas changed because of Chameleon’s law.

Chameleon’s law: A girl not grounded in her own identity will adapt to become like the people around her.

You won’t find it in the dictionary (since I might have made it up), but this law strikes as predictably as gravity. Trust me, I’m somewhat of an expert. If you could get a degree in adapting to others, I’d have a PhD.

If you’re not familiar with the chameleon, it’s a peculiar little reptile with a crazy-long tongue and a remarkable superpower: the ability to shift the hue and brightness of its skin to blend in with its surroundings. If a chameleon lounges on a leaf, for example, within seconds it will sport a vivid green. Climbing up a trunk? Bark-brown it goes. This skill comes in handy when trying to avoid becoming a kestrel’s lunch. But in the human world, changing our colors to blend in doesn’t always work in our favor.

Our friends, family members, and especially our love interests can hold a lot of sway in our lives. If we’re not sure who we are—or who we want to be—their influence will often decide for us. We’ll usually take the path of least resistance for the chance to belong. (Bonus tip: since this is partly unavoidable, hang out with people you’d want to become more like!)

To have the best relationships with friends and family possible, we’ll need to show up as our authentic selves—not the version we think others want or that blends in easier.

You don’t have to completely identify all your interests by this weekend. Try new vibes, figure out what “you” feels most authentic, as long as it’s in line with your beliefs. Sure, sometimes you’ll discover new interests or hobbies based on others’ influence. That’s great! But you’ll have fewer regrets if you intentionally figure yourself out instead of letting others label or pressure you into what they want. After all, God delights in you, not who you can pretend to be.

When you look back on your own eras, I hope they were most inspired by your curiosity, convictions, and personal flair. Leave blending in to the chameleons.

If you’re going to be who you are, you have to know who you are. Here are a handful of questions to help you start thinking about your interests, character, talents, weaknesses, and dreams:

If I had a Saturday all to myself, I’d spend it _______________.

When I think about the future, I feel _______________.

I’d describe my style as _______________.

Someday, I hope to _______________.

I’d describe my relationship with God as _______________.