Before You ForgiveSample

Few things create anger and betrayal, like being lied to for an extended period.

Have you been lied to or wounded by someone you trusted? Did you feel betrayed while everything within you wanted to get even? Maybe you wanted to hurt that person the way they hurt you. That was my response to my bosses' use and manipulation at my first full-time job.

In the weeks following my departure from that job, I discovered that my decisions and treatment of people were based on lies.

One day, a few months after I left, my friend and I sat down for our weekly coffee session. Every Thursday, we would pray and study the Bible together. My buddy had complete permission to speak the truth in my life.

We were sitting down for coffee when he said, "Scott, I've got to talk to you about something. You are so angry and bitter that you've become toxic. You can't see it, but it's affecting people around you too. You're mad at a couple of people but taking it out on people who don't even know them. I'll be honest: being your friend this season is tough. You've got to deal with the pain and learn how to let go."

Can you relate? Being wounded and struggling to forgive is a universal human experience. When people we thought we could trust hurt us, it's normal to want revenge. In her book Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott has a famous quote where she wrote that "refusing to forgive is like drinking rat poison and expecting the rat to die."

The other person doesn't get hurt when you don't deal with your life's wounds. However, you get hurt and remain stuck.

More than any other topic I've studied as a pastor, I have found a large amount of unhelpful and unbiblical teaching about forgiveness. When I talk with people about forgiveness in a smaller setting, they often tell me why they can't forgive. I usually respond, "I wouldn't forgive if that's what forgiveness meant, either." Once I walk them through what the Bible says about forgiveness, they discover they've rejected a false understanding of forgiveness.

When we embrace myths about forgiveness, we never get to experience the real thing. This plan's big idea is straightforward: our ability to give forgiveness is directly related to the forgiveness we've received.

When Jesus taught about forgiveness, and the Apostle Paul shared Jesus' approach to forgiveness, they connected receiving forgiveness with giving forgiveness. You may have started this plan because you are struggling to extend someone's forgiveness. Nevertheless, before you can offer forgiveness, you must receive it from God.

I'm so glad you're here. I know you may have some very real pain. Starting a forgiveness plan may have been a big step for you. I'm proud of you for seeking God's help with your pain. Over the next four days, we'll explore what forgiveness is and isn't. There is real freedom in your future, especially when it comes to the pain you're carrying.

On the next day of the plan, we'll examine the definition of forgiveness and the decisive moment when Jesus forgave someone who betrayed Him.