Sideshow: Living With Loss and Moving Forward With FaithSample

Day 5: Grief Has a Purpose

I think part of the healing process when we are holding so much grief is remembering that even in the darkness of despair, there is a purpose. It’s hard to hear that our grief has a purpose. We push back against the idea that God might use our pain for good because that feels wrong. And I get it. But if we believe that God is with us through the ups and downs of life, and we also believe that God is good, then why wouldn’t we believe that God, in His awareness of all the things that we go through, will somehow, as the ultimate Creator, transform our pain into something useful for us?

Nevertheless, this reassurance does little to ease the rawness of our grief. It doesn’t make it feel good, which is why some people might even resist the good that’s born from the pain—because they don’t feel worthy of it. They don’t feel like they should embrace anything good because of the loss they experienced. But I choose to believe that any positive outcome since the loss of my son is a reflection of my son’s desires for me. I believe he is now part of that great cloud of witnesses who are rooting me on as I grow from this experience. He’s wanting joy and love and peace for me. I choose to believe this because to entertain any other narrative would be to invite devastation of unimaginable proportions. And at the end of the day, all we have is our faith. All we have is what we believe. For me, faith is my anchor when nothing else makes sense.

Romans 8:28 says, “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (niv). This verse reminds me that my son’s passing, as devastating as it is, was not in vain. Through faith and perseverance and support, we can find meaning and purpose even when we’re in the most pain.

Reflect: Do you believe that there is a purpose to your pain? Are you able to be open to the idea that God could have a purpose for your pain?