A WORK IN PROGRESS

Mike Martin, Indiana

I STAYED BUSY in an attempt to deal with the anger by seeking the death penalty for the murderer. I also helped John’s wife and daughters and worked full-time. I completely withdrew from my immediate family. When my wife told me I was ignoring her and my daughters, I lashed out. I thought she was being selfish and did not know what I was going through. My priorities had become very messed up.

Strangely, in my moments of need, family or friends showed up or called, intervening just when I was at my lowest. It was the same people who kept showing up: our pastor, church members, friends, family members, and co-workers. They did not judge, or preach to me; they were just there. They brought meals, prayed, and listened to me cry. As the weeks turned into months, they were still there. They handed me songs on CDs, or mentioned books that might help. Each would end up being exactly what I needed to hear or read. Slowly, God worked through them to soften my heart.

The healing came in stages. I came to realize God does not make bad things happen; rather he gives us the freedom to live our lives, all the while wanting us to come to know him and love him of our own free will. I also realized I had to let go of the hate and anger. I had to forgive, and that is probably the hardest thing to do, especially when the person who has wronged you shows no remorse and doesn’t ask for forgiveness.

For me, forgiveness was letting go of my rage and anger and not letting the killer keep me in a prison of hatred. Forgiving means I get to leave my prison of rage and, through the eyes of Jesus, I see the murderer as a broken person and a work in progress, someone God could still use for good on this earth.

This is a huge leap of faith for me. I am a work in progress, too. I’ve learned that God can change anyone’s heart, but we have to first give it to him.