Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 1 - LOVESample

Love is Following

Jesus gave us so many great examples of what it means to follow and how important it is. In Matthew 16:24, we see that He called his disciples to come and follow Him. He said that “whoever follows me will never walk in darkness,” (John 8:12). When we think of following Jesus, it might seem easy to do, since He is God! But following him requires trusting that His ways are best, and surrendering to His plans, which in practice, can be very difficult to do.

What about following in marriage? Why would a wife want to follow her husband? Even if she wants to follow his leadership, he’s not a perfect leader. In practice this can also be very difficult to do.

Let’s unpack this. Wives are directed in Ephesians 5 to submit to their own husband. It’s not a “men versus women” thing. It’s a men and women thing. It’s a matter of order and mutual flourishing within both spouses’ roles in marriage. One is no better than the other. One is no more important than the other. It is a husband and wife playing on the same team; both with equal value to the team.

For Nancy and me, this was a big learning experience. In the first years of our marriage, I ran a business. I was the boss. People did what I asked them to do. In many ways they were serving me as my employees. At home, I was to serve Nancy. She was not my employee. She was very clear on that! I did so well leading people at work, but I was failing miserably at home. No wonder she had trouble following my lead.

I think many of us husbands do not lead well at home. If we are not leading well, how can we expect our wives to follow? This goes back to the servant leadership we talked about yesterday, which Jesus taught in Matthew 20:26-28. I believe that as a husband, if you lead as God wants you to in your marriage, then your wife will find it easy to follow your lead.

Things To Think About

Wives:

• When is it easiest to follow your husband’s lead?
• When is it most difficult?
• How can you work as a team to be a better leader and a better follower?
• What actions help your husband feel respected in your marriage? If you’re not sure, ask!
• How can you work better together as a team in this?

Husbands:

• What does it look like to love your wife “as Christ loved the church?”
• How can you show your love to her each day?
• How can you work better together as a team in this?