SAFEGUARD #10
HAVING GREAT SEX

Strong and healthy marriages have a great sex life. I’m not saying that their sex life is perfect or always a 10 out of 10, but it’s a consistent and mutually satisfying part of their marriage, or at least that’s the direction it’s progressing. Sex functionally is for fulfilling the mandate on humanity to increase and multiply and fill the earth with people. But, in God’s goodness, he made the process a beautiful bonding and intimate time as well as a wildly fun and euphoric experience. Sex between a husband and wife is a powerful part of the longevity of the marriage. I’ve heard it said that intimacy is a part of the glue that holds the marriage together, and we agree with that wholeheartedly.

Biblical Stance On Sex

Sex is God’s idea and is biblically celebrated and honored. Sometimes, however, there’s a perceived idea that sex is taboo in church or that great sex is really for the wild non-Christians and that followers of Jesus need to strip away all the passion and pleasure side of sex. But, the fact that the Bible has an entire book dedicated to romance should be a great indicator of the heart and intention of God. Sex is not just a mundane act for making babies but is also designed for mutual fulfillment and enjoyment.

Movie Sex Isn't Real Life

Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on sex. We want it to look like or be like some movie or even can unintentionally compare our spouse to previous sexual partners or pornography. But, part of the beauty of marriage is a lifelong journey of discovering what your spouse loves or doesn’t want in bed. That exploration process also builds emotional intimacy. And don’t freak out if, at the time of reading this plan, your sex life isn’t looking good. My wife and I have had different seasons of sexual passion. Over two decades of marriage, we’ve had passionate seasons, going thru the motions seasons, roommate seasons, and everywhere in between. The key is to keep working on your intimacy; don’t settle in any season.

Don’t Use Sex As A Weapon

Sometimes in marriage, if there’s frustration or friction, one or the other can attempt to withhold sex as a power move of control. However, sex is not to be used in this way. That’s damaging to the health and strength of your bond as a couple. Intentionally using sex in that way is like using the divorce word as the trump card in an argument.

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5

Unfulfilled sexual needs in your spouse can leave an open door for the devil to enter and create division in your marriage. Are there going to be times when you just aren’t feeling it, aren’t in the mood, maybe on your time of the month, or are feeling sick? Yes, of course, and there needs to be grace for each other in those moments, but if that becomes the rule rather than the exception and sex becomes rare, this will threaten your marriage's strength. Now, should your spouse be able to withstand and stay away from other forms of sexual fulfillment even if you deny them? Yes, but why would you want to make it that hard for them, and why would you want to open the door for infidelity in your relationships just because you’re not feeling like having sex? Men usually have a stronger sex drive. Having said that, a dry season in your marriage is not a license to find fulfillment in other ways. Men and Women, make it your goal to keep your spouse sexually satisfied.