The Marriage Devotional: 5 Days to Strengthen the Soul of Your MarriageSample

A Marriage That Works

Levi

Awhile back, I watched a 60 Minutes interview with Steven Spielberg in which he said that he still got as worried, nervous, and scared about directing his twenty-seventh movie as he did on his first one. Isn’t that amazing? The guy who made Jaws, E. T., and the Indiana Jones movies still gets jittery on the job.

Spielberg is arguably the most well-known and respected filmmaker in the world today. If anybody could just start phoning it in, it could be him. I mean, he could pretty much just sign his name on any screenplay and make it a guaranteed success. Yet every time this multi-award-winning director gets behind the camera, he approaches his craft as if it’s his very first time and pours all his nervous excitement and energy into making that movie a success.

The same energy and focus that create a successful movie can also make a successful marriage. Whether your relationship is in its first year or twenty-seventh year, a solid marriage requires never phoning it in or going through the motions but rather taking your relationship seriously and applying yourself, heart and soul, day after day and year after year. Spielberg wouldn’t be where he is today had he coasted. He would have slipped off the road into oblivion.

The truth is, marriages usually don’t burn out; they rust out. It would be great if there were a class you could take or a pill you could swallow or a retreat you could go to that would be guaranteed to lead to a healthy, strong relationship, but there isn’t. You just have to be willing to keep showing up and giving it your all and doing the hard things.

A successful marriage is spelled W-O-R-K. If your marriage isn’t working right now, it might be because you aren’t working at it. A strong relationship is not going to happen by itself. Too often we think passively when we should be thinking actively.

We sometimes talk about love as though it were an emotion when it’s really a verb. In today’s verse the apostle Paul instructed husbands, “Love your wives.” Notice that he was commanding an action, not describing a feeling. We hear people say stuff like, “I just fell out of love” or, “I just don’t love her anymore.” But when you think of love as an active verb, both of those sound ridiculous. What would you say if I told you, “I just fell off my bike”? You’d probably tell me to get back on, and be careful on that slippery road. What if I said, “I just don’t pay taxes anymore.” You might give me a blank or confused stare. If you have “fallen out” of love or “just don’t” love someone anymore, realize that obedience does not require feelings. Often when we do choose to obey, feelings develop.

It’s like kindling a fire. Every summer, our family likes to go camping together. We sometimes pencil in our “Luskos in the wild” expeditions on our calendar months ahead of time. Other times I spontaneously declare, “Let’s go camping this week!” After Jennie gives me the This week?! Okay, I can do that look, we’re gearing up for adventures in the great outdoors. (By the way, planning vacations, romantic getaways, and even date nights protects these times from being just good intentions that get swallowed up by busyness. You’ll never find time for the most important things in life; you must make time.)

Marriage must be approached the way you make a fire when camping: what takes only a spark to ignite requires diligent effort to maintain. Campfires don’t flourish on their own, and left to themselves, they will dwindle to ash. You must constantly add fuel to sustain a powerful fire.

Likewise, relationships are not self-sustaining or maintenance-free. Great marriages require a constant infusion of commitment, tears, and lots and lots of forgiveness. I also happen to agree with Dr. Dre, who once said, “Clear communication. Respect. A lot of laughter. And a lot of orgasms. That’s what makes a marriage work.” Right on all points.

Having a great marriage is not easy. Very few things in this life that bring true joy are. What success can anyone find in any pursuit—academics, sports, work, music, science, literature—without putting in the effort and paying a price behind the scenes? Easy come, easy go. Great husbands and wives are made, not born.

Bring it Home

What is the most important work you and your spouse are doing behind the scenes in your marriage? Where could you grow?

How is it a relief to know that feelings go up and down but commitment and hard work bring rewards? How have you seen this in your relationship?

What work are you two doing right now to “make” yourselves a great husband or wife?

Conversation Starters

“You may not think I notice, but I see how you _______ behind the scenes. This is what a difference it has made: _______.”

“I appreciate you and how you_______, and I love when you _______.”

“Sometimes I get a little passive about working on our marriage when _______.”

“Three active things we could do this week to work on our marriage are _______.”

Prayer

Father, You show us what hard work looks like in Your Word, such as how You created the heavens and the earth and how You came up with Your beautiful plan for our redemption through Jesus. You love creativity and design and things that require intention and hard work. You made relationships that way too. Thank You for what we have, and give us the love and strength to keep making decisions and doing the work of marriage well, so we can enjoy all that You have for us. In Jesus’ name, amen.