I'll See You Tomorrow: Building Relational Resilience When You Want to QuitSample

Another Day

Recently, I was exhausted and came across something a friend had said that offended me. I can still remember my face getting hot the second I read it. Why would she say that?

So I picked up the phone, called my friend Jewel, who had known me the longest, and asked if I was overreacting.

“Oh, no,” Jewel said. “You can call her out. You have grounds for that.”

See? This is why I called her.

“Or—” Wait, what? I thought. Are we landing this plane in victim valley or what?

“Or,” she continued, “you can look past this single event and choose to see this issue within the scope of your ten-year friendship and love her beyond this isolated incident.”

My spirit clapped within me the second she said it. I didn’t even fight it. Jewel was right. My friend was still wrong, and yet Jewel was still right.

I was ready to march. I was ready to teach my other friend a lesson in loyalty. Let her know that I had boundaries, and she had crossed them. I was already frayed and entering a painful situation with very little elastic left. I think that’s what happens to us a lot of times. We don’t have the mental energy to do the work relationships require, so we just burn them or mute them or block them. That is much less taxing than making peace with them. Adult friendships are hard because adults are exhausted.

But sometimes, we all screw up. Sometimes we are all a bad friend to someone. Sometimes we let jealousy override our empathy. Sometimes we don’t invite others when we should have. Sometimes we are human beings filled with errors. A series of incidents—maybe I am just a bad friend. But one? Should we define anyone by one single choice? Maybe, depending on how awful that choice was. But not always.

It’s okay to end relationships. Sometimes we may have to. But I wonder if we haven’t lost something greater in our quickness to protect ourselves—the ability to have friendships and romantic relationships and jobs that span decades. No one gets to year ten without experiencing some drama in between. We need each other. I don’t think we will survive this season without finding a team we can lean fully into-the good, the bad, and the ugly. What we can’t do alone, we can do together. So what if, instead of always saying goodbye, we started saying, “I’m going to process this. I need some space to think it through. I’m hurt, and I need to walk away right now. But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Pray

Lord, help me to be a grace-filled person. Show me where I need to be more gracious to the people in my life so we can all grow stronger together.