The Marriage Toolkit - Parent EditionSample

Tool #3 - Discipline

Sure, no one wants to talk about it, but as a parent, discipline is a necessary tool for raising kids. Discipline can be a tripping point or a strengthening point in a marriage. As children, we were both raised in very different homes in regards to discipline, so the early years of raising our children were filled with arguments about when, where, and how to discipline our kids. So, we read, prayed, and talked with Godly people about it, then developed our plan that worked best in our home. The key to this was learning what Biblical discipline was, working together to find common ground, and providing a unified front for our kids.

Through our parenting, it seems we get tested more on days that have already been tough, so having a plan is crucial. We get to walk out the word of Paul, the boldest, as we discipline through love, unity, and patience.

So how do we do that? We establish a plan and walk in it lovingly, regardless of the day.

We practice consistency and follow through, even when it’s hard. It’s important that both parents honor the foundation you’ve set up and don’t give in to the “easy” way out on bad days. If one parent gives in, it can undermine your spouse and create hard feelings within the relationship. By standing united, you not only show your children a godly standard of living, but you honor your spouse as well.

Be encouraged that this consistency does pay off. There’s nothing more rewarding than to see your kid make a choice not to do something that they have gotten in trouble for in the past. This lets you know that your consistency has created a trust that they know you mean what you say.

Stick together through thick and thin. Godly discipline is a tool that can be used alone, but is most effective when used in tandem. It’s important for both parents to discuss and agree on the form of discipline and length of punishment.

Discipline is never fun, but it is necessary. In Hebrews 12:11 the Bible says, “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it’s painful! But afterward, there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” The peace that it creates far outweighs the brief pain of correction. So, stay consistent and united, it will bring better days ahead.

Engagement Point: Get on the same page by creating a discipline plan. Use God’s Word, wise friends, and your own childhood experiences as a guide. Talk about what you both want in this area and agree on a plan that fits your family. Once you have your plan, be consistent. Text it, write it, or talk it through, but always follow through in a loving and patient way.