7 Truths of Marriage: Rest in ConnectionSample

Truth In Anger

Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. - Ephesians 4:26-27

We got angry. A lot. Being angry wasn’t the problem. Not understanding at the time that it was okay to be angry and what to do with that anger was the problem. Silently, we both suffered mixed emotions of guilt over being angry. We thought being Christian meant never being angry because we are called to love one another as Christ loved us. 

Now, add whatever it was that prompted the angry feelings, the intensity of anger, the guilt of being angry, and not having the tools to process any of this and you’ve got two people stuck in a rut that soon became a reoccurring cycle. 

Everyone is going to experience anger along with the entire gamete of emotions God created and also experienced. The difference between healthy and unhealthy marriages is their ability to work through problems. This is where understanding that it’s okay to be angry and being able to talk openly about why you are angry is vital to maintaining a solid relationship.  

The Apostle Paul assures us it’s okay to be angry, and he continues with a warning against sinning in anger. We love to share with couples that anger is not a sin unless you sin in your anger. Too many couples allow their anger to simmer into resentment, rejection, and hatred. Anger is too intense of an emotion to go unchecked. 

Again, Paul offers wise counsel by placing a cap on the amount of time you should remain in that posture of emotion. Not allowing the sun to go down while you are angry is because we’re vulnerable during sleep. Being in bed with your spouse is an intimate environment and when anger creates separation between you both, it’s the perfect breeding ground for the devil to begin sowing seeds of marital discord between you. 

When one or both of you are angry, recognize it and acknowledge it. Avoid the silent treatment by talking about the offense immediately. If it’s hard to start a conversation, simply tell your spouse that the Apostle Paul said we shouldn’t go to bed angry. It might not resolve the issue but it’ll sure open space for a conversation. 

Truth Time:

Are you holding onto anger against your spouse? Start with forgiving them for the offense that caused the anger and pray for God to soften your heart so you can approach them in love and not the anger that still burns.