Growing in HopeSample

Marriage Pt. 1

This passage of scripture lays out what a marriage should look like according to God’s design. The truths mentioned here can be difficult for us to understand and apply. However, because it is in God’s word, we need to pay attention to it and ask Him to help us practice it. 

Yesterday, we ended with Ephesians 5:21 in which Paul says, “Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” This means that both husbands and wives should be subject (or submit) to one another. Husbands and wives are to willingly submit to each other out of their reverence for Christ.  

Paul starts off speaking to the wife, but he will quickly have instruction for the husband, too. He tells wives to “Be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” He is not telling you that your husband is God. What he is saying is that you are to submit to and respect your husband. This is because God has charged the husband as being the leader of the home. Your husband cannot lead you and your family if you are not willing to follow. 

Please note that being subject to your husband or wife does NOT mean you should be subject to physical or verbal abuse. If you are in a relationship where you are threatened physically or verbally, find safety immediately and seek help from a trained marriage counselor. 

Husbands, just because God’s command for your wife is to submit to you, this does not mean you are superior to her. Paul teaches in Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” You are equal in God’s eyes. Jesus loves your wife so much, He died for her. She is very valuable to Him. Ultimately, she belongs to God. You will be held accountable to Him for how you treat her. 

In Ephesians 5:23 Paul says, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church.” This statement is significant because the relationship between the husband and wife is a picture of Jesus to His Church. In the last book of the Bible, the book of Revelation, the Church is referred to as the “Bride of Christ”. Just as Jesus is the head of His Church, so the husband should be head of his wife. 

To wives, or to women who are not yet wives, this may seem unfair on the surface. This is why it is so important to understand that this is God’s design for marriage. God’s design is holy, perfect, and good, just as He is holy, perfect, and good. Trust His character and His design. Submit yourself to Him and His ways. As a wife, you are under the authority of your husband. However, your husband’s authority is not limitless and should never contradict the Bible or God’s principles. Your ultimate submission is to God, and as long as your husband is appropriating his authority in a Christ-like and biblical way, it is your responsibility to submit yourself to your husband. Your husband will be held accountable to how he uses his authority. Likewise, you will be held accountable for your submissiveness.

In Ephesians 5:25 Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” The role of the husband is to be one of sacrifice for his wife. Jesus gave Himself for the Church, who is His Bride, in His death on the cross. He sacrificed everything for His Bride, and this is an example He has set for husbands to follow. Are you putting your wife's needs above your own? God has entrusted her to you. Recognize that she has needs that you are to meet. As the leader of your home, you are the one who is ultimately responsible for your marriage. The burden is a heavy one, but it is your role as a husband to bear. Luke 12:48 reads, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required.” 

If you are a husband, consider Peter’s words in 1 Peter 3:7, “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” You are to honor your wife, which means you are held responsible for respecting and valuing her. This is so critical that Peter says if you do not do this, your prayers will not be answered. 

What Paul is teaching to both husbands and wives is to put the other’s interests before their own. If both follow God’s commands and do this, they will live in harmony with each other. One problem we face in marriage is that of selfishness. Because of sin, we want to put our own interests above others. Selfishness always creates division and causes conflict. Pastor Dr. Randel Everett said, “Selfishness is the enemy of love.” Love and selfishness cannot coexist in a healthy marriage. 

Maybe you are thinking, “My spouse does not deserve my respect, forgiveness and love.” Remember no one deserves Jesus’ love and forgiveness, and yet He gives it us freely. Even when it hurts and you feel like the other does not deserve it, be like Jesus and love them anyway! As we have learned, we don’t deserve Jesus’ love, but that did not keep Him from sacrificing himself on our behalf as an atonement for sin. He freely gives us His love.  In turn, we should do the same for others. 

Paul does not teach the wife to be submissive to her husband ONLY if the husband loves; he does not teach that the husband is to love his wife ONLY if the wife is submissive. Husbands, you must love first. Wives, you must be submissive first. This is God’s economy. Before He will bless us, we must be obedient to what He commands. Be obedient to God and trust Him to change your spouse.

Prayer:

Husbands - Ask God where you have failed to love. 

Wives - Ask God where you have failed to respect. 

Confess these sins to God. Ask for forgiveness from both God and your spouse. Commit to obeying God’s commands for your marriage.