A Shattered Life: Victor Vs. VictimSample

Ways We Cope: Turning to Lesser Gods & Stuffing

Many times as we dive deeper and deeper into the muck of living as a victim we look for things or ways to cope to help us survive. These things can spiral us further and further down causing our grasp on freedom to slip from our mucky hands. Some of these coping mechanisms can be turning to “lesser gods” to numb our pain such as binge eating, binge show watching, destructive relationships…anything we overdo in life as a means to escape our pain. These things we place as lovers in our life that are not of God. Many of these addictive dopes sink in their nasty claws, yet offer no strength. They will not stand up over time or answer back when we go to them for help. Can any of those mechanisms really love us, give us a reserve of strength, or help us heal?

Other coping mechanisms can be stuffing our pain, whether consciously because we don’t think those out-of-control feelings are right, or we just can’t or don’t want to deal with the reality of pain. We stuff and stuff until it becomes habit. But many times we get so full of stuffing our feelings, there’s just not any more room. Stuffed feelings keep us from going forward in our emotional and relational life. Stuffers survive, but never thrive in the present. Our emotional focus is always looking backwards and inwards at the hurts and pain, not outward and forward in healing and purpose.

Even as a Christian it is ok to hurt. Feelings are ok. I mean look at David! God called him a man after His own heart, yet have you ever seen someone so bi-polar, moody, and flaky?! He probably even suffered from binge-palace building and it’s obvious some other vices he had for coping. I believe one of the many purposes for the Psalms is to show us how to deal with our feelings. 

It is ok to cry out to God, to complain, to lay it on Him, to moan. And we need authentic Godly people in our life that allow us to go there. Christians need other Christians that allow them to unstuff. To allow us to be ok not to be ok. To be patient, to hold and comfort us and not even give answers. It is vital that we have those true friends that don’t expect us to just hear a perfect Bible verse and be instantly cured. Yes, we need to hear truth. And yes, we need to allow it to penetrate the hurt, but it’s not going to happen right away. 

All of David’s moaning ended in praise. Because when you are unstuffing, and doing it in the right way—mostly to the One who can handle all your crazy feelings without getting offended—it’s very hard to stay angry and hurt and bitter.

Today in your reflection time go ahead and unstuff. Lay it on God. He can handle it! Ask Him to reveal any unhealthy coping mechanisms you are using or have a tendency to use to muffle the pain. Ask Him to help you focus outward and forward rather than inward and backward. 

Remember, in these times of opening up with God that He is a merciful and gracious God who is LOVE! There is no condemnation from Him in opening up your feelings! He cares for EVERY PART of you!