Radical Wisdom: A 7-Day Journey For HusbandsSample

What’s Down in the Well Comes Up in the Bucket

One of my young executives taught me a principle years ago that I’ve never forgotten. It was cathartic for me as a leader . . . and as a husband.

He said, “When something one of your employees does bothers you, confront them with it before that day ends. No matter how petty . . . how trivial . . . how embarrassing, confront it. Don’t go home; don’t let them go home, without talking it out.” 

For years, I harbored grudges against my wife. “She’s not this,” “She doesn’t do that.” I let all those little things build up until they were destroying our marriage. What would have happened if I had dealt with all that stuff along the way? What if I had sought counsel about my feelings and judgments? What if I’d talked those things out with her immediately when I started to feel them?

The reality is that it took her leaving for a while to wake me up to the junk I had hidden down in my “well.” Like a splinter buried deep in the sole of your foot, it has to come out or it’s going to lead to real problems.

God created us for relationships. He taught us to keep short accounts—“before dark” short. When we man up and deal with what’s lodged in our hearts, we’ll be healthier, lighter, and more lovable. 

Question: Will you make a commitment to yourself that you won’t hold grudges against your wife? That you’ll bring stuff up instead of letting it simmer? Tell her about it if you need to. Maybe even ask her if she will consider doing it too.