Does Forgiving Make You a Doormat? Sample

The Issue of Trust

There’s a big difference between holding someone accountable and holding a grudge. Accountability is necessary; holding a grudge (harboring unforgiveness) is harmful. You know if you’ve forgiven someone or not.

Yes, you might have to sue someone like Hugo did, but do it after you’ve prayed and forgiven them. If the vein stands out in your neck as you take them to court and you say between gritted teeth, “I’m going to get even,” then you know you haven’t forgiven yet.

Forgiveness is a heart issue. Forgive before you take any natural action against them (and be sure it’s necessary. Ask God!).

When you’ve forgiven someone for hurting you, it doesn’t mean you have to trust them ever again. You don’t have to be best friends with them or even be around them (unless that’s something beyond your control).

If a situation warrants it — if you’re in danger physically or emotionally — it’s important to set appropriate boundaries with someone who has done you wrong. It’s okay to forgive and stay away.

If it’s possible, repair the broken trust. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” But notice that says if it’s possible, as much as it depends on you. You can’t force someone else to repent, change, or live peaceably with you.

One lady told me, “I thought forgiving meant I was also supposed to allow that person to have full access again — to get all their privileges of relationship back. Once I learned it was okay to separate the two, I was able to forgive. Restoration and trust [are] possible, but only if behaviors change. Forgiveness is for us, even if the other person never says sorry or changes.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue a relationship with someone who’s hurt you. Romans 16:17 even says, “I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses . . . and avoid them.” Just because you have forgiven someone — or have to continually forgive them — doesn’t mean you have to trust them again.

Seek the Lord and ask Him if it’s better for you to separate yourself. You don’t have to keep putting yourself in position to be hurt or taken advantage of. All you have to do is forgive them so that your heart is free.