Girl, Wash Your FaceNäide

Why do we do it, ladies? Why do we gossip? Why do we rag on each other? Why do we say hello on Sunday mornings with the same tongues we use to lash others behind their backs a few days later? Does it make us feel better about ourselves? Does it make us feel safer to mock someone who has stepped outside of the parameters we deem acceptable? If we can point out our flaws and theirs, does doing so diminish our own?

Of course it doesn’t. In fact, the stones we most often try and fling at others are the ones that have been thrown at us. Have you ever shaved your toes? And what I really mean by that is, have you ever made fun of someone else? Have you ever pointed your finger in their direction and ignored the three other fingers on your hand pointing back at you? We’ve all been there, but that doesn’t make it okay. Bringing others down won’t elevate you. Recognizing that all words have power—even the ones whispered behind someone’s back—is how you adjust your behavior. . . .

What I want to say is that we all judge each other, but even though we all do it, that’s not an excuse. Judging is still one of the most hurtful, spiteful impulses we own, and our judgments keep us from building a stronger tribe . . . or from having a tribe in the first place. Our judgment prohibits us from beautiful, life-affirming friendships. Our judgment keeps us from connecting in deeper, richer ways because we’re too stuck on the surface-level assumptions we made.

Ladies, our judging has to stop.