Common Lies in a Sex Crazed World Muestra

Lie #1: Sex is Expected

To enter a dating relationship nowadays is the equivalent of agreeing to only sleep with each other for the period during which the couple remains in the relationship. What was once the first kiss is now sleeping together. This is especially prevalent on college campuses, where “hookup culture” is a normal part of the experience for many.

To guard against sexual temptation, the critical factor for a Christian should be certainty that the person he or she is dating is a Christian of strong convictions. This does not guarantee sexual purity, but it starts you off wisely in a relationship with someone who is not of this world and is striving to follow Christ. When a Christian begins dating an unbeliever, he or she is likely walking into a world where sex is expected. This should not be a surprise. Sometimes the initial rhetoric is that the unbeliever “respects” the other person’s beliefs and isn’t going to pressure anything, but that usually doesn’t last long. I also wonder if Christians who are dating unbelievers realize what is communicated by that relationship: that faith is not important to them in finding a future spouse.

Being attracted to another person, admiring a great personality, feeling some sort of chemistry—those are apparently more important than faith. Yes, there are stories of people being led to Christ through this practice (often called “missionary dating”), but this merely shows that God is bigger than our bad decisions and misplaced priorities. Not to mention that if sex is part of a missionary dating relationship that results in a conversion to Christianity, my concern would be that the individual was won to something other than Christ. Perhaps he or she now attends church with the girlfriend or boyfriend’s family, but is that person truly following Christ? Furthermore, if the Christian in the relationship is living in sin, why would we think genuine conversion is taking place without repentance?

When we combine our natural yearning for a relationship with a world where sex is expected, it’s almost guaranteed that the relationship will become sexual or that the Christian’s convictions will irritate the other person and the couple will break up. I am not trying to villainize unbelievers. I’m also not claiming that sex is inevitable in a dating relationship. Rather, I am stating that a believer is most vulnerable when two completely different sets of convictions regarding sex come together. Someone’s convictions are going to run that relationship. While the apostle Paul’s words to the Corinthian church regarding being “unequally yoked” are not necessarily in the con text of a dating relationship, the principle absolutely applies in this scenario: “Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor. 6:14–15).

What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? Similar hobbies and personalities that “gel” equate to little in common at all without Christ. For a Christian dating couple who share convictions from the Scriptures, sex may be a temptation, but it should never be an expectation. Therefore, since dating is the typical avenue to engagement and marriage, Christian individuals and communities must be clear about where Scripture draws lines in terms of sexual ethics. Battling sexual temptation with a fellow believer and seeking godly help in doing so is a far cry from starting a relationship in secret with someone who has a completely different set of beliefs regarding sex.