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Loss is Loss
In our quest to become parents, especially in the difficulty of the trying to conceive, infertility and loss journey, it is easy to become so overwhelmed we begin to lose ourselves. The waits, the tests, the procedures, the medications and the financial burdens take up so much of our brain space that we can find it difficult to turn towards one another and can even forget to turn towards Him. Thriving Through and After Infertility is about doing the work to make sure our infertility journey does not leave us battered empty shells of who we once were. It is about trusting His plan for us and finding our place in His story.
~~~
No matter where you are on the infertility journey there will be loss incurred.
The loss of an embryo.
The loss of miscarriage at however many weeks.
The loss of a child born still.
The loss of any child.
The loss of making your family in the easy way you had always dreamed.
LOSS.
I once processed this lesson of life with a client. In my warm therapist office with a view like that of a tree house she asked me, “Is it better that I got 17 years with my daughter or that you never got to meet your children?”
“Instead, what if we simply looked at each other like mothers who lost?” I responded as the tears sprang to my eyes. Her only response was that of love and tears herself.
I became a mother the day I dreamed of becoming a mother. To the general population, they may have just been three eight-cell embryos. To me, they are my three babies.
My three babies who never took a breath of this earth’s fresh air who I can only parent from this side of eternity. My three soul scars. My three.
LOSS IS LOSS.
Being able to process this difficult lesson of life with my clients; women who have had miscarriages, women who have given up their child for adoption, clients who have lost their child beyond way too early to tragedy, is something I feel honored with and thankful for.
Comparison of our losses, this my-pain-is-worse-than-yours, is heartbreaking and soul-crushing, and leaves us alone with only our losses.
He did not make us to do this life alone.
Instead, let us look to one another, sit beside and witness and be in this together without comparison, just as He intended.
In our quest to become parents, especially in the difficulty of the trying to conceive, infertility and loss journey, it is easy to become so overwhelmed we begin to lose ourselves. The waits, the tests, the procedures, the medications and the financial burdens take up so much of our brain space that we can find it difficult to turn towards one another and can even forget to turn towards Him. Thriving Through and After Infertility is about doing the work to make sure our infertility journey does not leave us battered empty shells of who we once were. It is about trusting His plan for us and finding our place in His story.
~~~
No matter where you are on the infertility journey there will be loss incurred.
The loss of an embryo.
The loss of miscarriage at however many weeks.
The loss of a child born still.
The loss of any child.
The loss of making your family in the easy way you had always dreamed.
LOSS.
I once processed this lesson of life with a client. In my warm therapist office with a view like that of a tree house she asked me, “Is it better that I got 17 years with my daughter or that you never got to meet your children?”
“Instead, what if we simply looked at each other like mothers who lost?” I responded as the tears sprang to my eyes. Her only response was that of love and tears herself.
I became a mother the day I dreamed of becoming a mother. To the general population, they may have just been three eight-cell embryos. To me, they are my three babies.
My three babies who never took a breath of this earth’s fresh air who I can only parent from this side of eternity. My three soul scars. My three.
LOSS IS LOSS.
Being able to process this difficult lesson of life with my clients; women who have had miscarriages, women who have given up their child for adoption, clients who have lost their child beyond way too early to tragedy, is something I feel honored with and thankful for.
Comparison of our losses, this my-pain-is-worse-than-yours, is heartbreaking and soul-crushing, and leaves us alone with only our losses.
He did not make us to do this life alone.
Instead, let us look to one another, sit beside and witness and be in this together without comparison, just as He intended.
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Bestselling author of Ever Upward, Justine Brooks Froelker, walks the reader through healthy messages of surviving and thriving infertility and loss. A mental health therapist and a survivor of failed infertility herself, Justine guides the reader through topics such as relationships, self-care, shame, doubt and grief. She helps the reader to find their place in God’s story, even when it has not turned out who they had hoped and dreamed.
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