Cure #4 = Don’t Disguise

Don’t Disguise

Some people who already feel isolated turn to social media for approval. For others, social media leads to greater alienation from the real world. There’s a definite cause and effect. It’s easy to see how increased social media use results in less time for real-life interactions. And that’s where loneliness is resolved: person to person. 

Social isolation, especially among young people, is reaching epidemic levels. The correlation between the rise in social media engagement and mental health problems isn’t shocking. To offset our need to be noticed, we look for more likes or seek more friends and followers. We put on disguises to exaggerate our experiences in hopes that people will pay attention. When used inappropriately, social media becomes a mask that exacerbates exclusion.

But social media isn’t only a platform for pretending. We wear disguises in real-life too. Being a people pleaser, for example, is a popular mask among the lonely. Pleasers do whatever is necessary to be liked. Pleasers make themselves busy making others happy for one reason: acceptance. But pleasing is an unhealthy behavior. This mask is a defense mechanism to keep people from attacking us emotionally. Subconsciously, we believe If they like me, then they’ll be nice to me (which is not always the case). Caring for others and being helpful is a good thing. The world could use more kindness. But motivation also matters.

Perfectionism is another disguise people wear. But it’s a double-edged sword. People who strive for perfection often perform from a place of insecurity. They strive for the highest grades. The sexiest figure. The nicest yard. The best-behaved children. The greatest marriage. They need you to believe their life is flawless. But when perfectionists feel disappointed for being less than perfect, they feel even more insecure.

People hide behind happiness. And even humor. Consider the class clown who’s always seeking a laugh (usually at their own expense). That’s the mask they wear so no one knows when their feelings are hurt. You can’t cause them pain if they put themselves down first. Painting on a smile to cover your aching heart isn’t a cure. 

All these are a bandage for your baggage. Isolating, blaming, ignoring, and disguising. These behaviors are the major ways people try to overcome the pain of loneliness. But they don’t work, and they never will because they’re artificial. And alone can only be defeated by authenticity.

Redemption requires God’s revelation. No substitute will ever satisfy alone.