Your Brightest LifeSample

If you want to be happier about you, slow the media drip.

A few weeks ago, I got asked to film a short promo video for an awesome nonprofit. Not only was I excited about the opportunity to spread the word about a cause I believe in, I was just plain honored that they considered me talented enough for the role. And, if I’m being honest, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I mean, they wouldn’t have picked me if I was unpleasant to look at, right?

Because of the location of the shoot—a sweeping California coastline—I figured a new outfit was in order. Something relaxed chic (Cali’s signature style). I got to work browsing three of my favorite online retailers looking for the perfect I-care-but-don’t-care top. You know how these things go, right? Four-point-three hours later, I had sifted through approximately 752 images and was no closer to finding the perfect shirt.

What I did find as I browsed the flood of picture-perfect models, however, was that my waist could be a tad bit slimmer. My nose? It sticks out a good deal too far. And those pores—when did they decide to resemble sinkholes? Little creases suddenly appeared, right there at the corner of my mouth. I concluded it was possible I would need actual plastic surgery before I could agree to be on camera.

In a matter of a few hours, I went from feeling confident to absolutely convinced I wasn’t nearly pretty enough.

I gave up on finding a shirt. And it took a fair amount of telling my thoughts who’s boss to get out of my head enough to show up and smile the day of the shoot.

The film crew was very kind—over-the-top encouraging. As if sensing my sudden insecurity, the producer assured me multiple times, “You’re perfect for this,” and “You look great.” The funniest irony is that I’m only on-screen nine-point-five seconds in the finished video. And, merciful Jesus, the golden hour light coats the coast so beautifully, you can’t see a single pore on my nose. The nonprofit’s amazing work is the highlight, as it should be.

I wish I could say this was the only time an internet search (or social media scroll) sent me into a mini body-image spiral. But my momma taught me not to tell lies. I’ve come a long way since my disordered eating days; I even wrote a whole book about understanding our true beauty as girls. Still, I’m not immune to letting images of “perfection” distort my view, any more than you might be. I know that to be a happier, more confident version of me, I have to slow the IV drip of media I consume. Sometimes I have to pull the needle out of my arm altogether.

Obviously, the answer isn’t to avoid all outside influences. That’s unrealistic. I mean, at some point I will have to buy another shirt. But we can take a look at our hearts every so often, and ask God to show us whether all those photos and videos we see of a narrow type of beauty influence us more than we realize. We want to live free from all that.

If you’re struggling to find the beauty in you, try distancing yourself from your usual diet of media for a bit. That might look like screen time limits, deleting some apps, unsubscribing from certain channels, or even a media fast. You don’t have anything to lose by giving it a shot, and you just might find a happier, more confident version of you waiting on the other side.

• Would you say that the things you watch and look at affect your body image?
• If you answered yes, think of some specific examples of what impacts your mood about yourself.
• What’s one way you can cut back on the amount of “perfection” you consume today?