The Benefit of the Doubt

I have a friend who is an identical twin. On more than one occasion, he or his brother has hurt someone’s feelings because the person couldn’t fathom why a friend of theirs would suddenly pretend he didn’t know them. People never say to themselves, Maybe this guy has a twin. They simply jump to the conclusion that they’ve been snubbed: This guy is rude.

The stories we tell ourselves about other people are up to us. We can excuse people or condemn them. We can be grateful for their good qualities or mad about their failings. We can believe the best or assume the worst. We pick which story to believe, and it’s a powerful choice, indeed, because those stories become the filters through which we evaluate people’s words and actions.

If I think someone doesn’t like me, for example, I’ll tend to interpret their behavior through that belief system. I’ll notice the things that confirm my suspicions and say, “See? I knew it.” Meanwhile, I’ll write off the behavior that contradicts it as an anomaly. I can end up ruining a potential relationship simply because I told myself a toxic story about the person.

Love rewrites people’s stories—specifically, the kind of love that comes from God. We need to let love do its work, though. You’ve probably read 1 Corinthians 13, which is an absolute masterpiece. Here are verses 4 through 7:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Notice how stubbornly love tries to believe the best about people. It is patient and kind. It is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, always trusts, always hopes. When God’s love dwells in our hearts, it helps us see people through a different filter, a better filter. It helps us see them the way he sees them. That’s the best way. It’s the right way. It’s God’s way.

When people’s behavior is confusing or complicated, don’t jump straight to judgment. Instead, try reframing their behavior in a way that is more generous and loving. Are they proud…or just confident? Are they rude…or just direct? Are they disorganized…or just creative? Are they loud…or just passionate? Are they a loner…or just lonely?

This means thinking about how you think about people. Don’t take a picture of people and then hold them to that snapshot for the rest of their lives. Keep your opinion in an open hand, and allow God’s love to write a better, more accurate story.

Prayer

Dear God, I want to see the complicated people in my world the way you see them. Help me set aside any bias or prejudice, any offense or judgment, and instead look at them with eyes of love. In Jesus’ name, amen.