Loving Your Differences

I was honestly a little surprised I had agreed to go out with a coworker. As I stood there staring at myself in the mirror, surrounded by a selection of rejected first-date outfits, I couldn’t help thinking how different Jimmy seemed from my previous boyfriends. Maybe he really is different . . .

Our chemistry was undeniable. I remember walking around the Baltimore harbor that evening, and it felt so natural that we would laugh or sing in public together. I kind of forgot anyone else was there. I’m someone who is typically more reserved, and his charisma and larger-than-life personality made me feel shielded, as though I didn’t have to carry the conversation or work to be charming. I could just be me and enjoy these new experiences, knowing he could navigate them while simultaneously making me feel special.

We were, without doubt, from different worlds, but I loved that—it made him that much more interesting, and it made me that much more intentional in my questions. That night when he dropped me off, without even really thinking about it, I playfully poked him in the shoulder and said, “I love everything that is different about you.” I had no idea I was repeating the word spoken over him months earlier. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked, “What did you just say?”

This wasn’t luck or a chance meeting at work—we were meant for each other. And we both knew it.

The next day on the phone with Jimmy, I confessed that I had fallen in love with him in one day.

It truly was a whirlwind romance. We were married within the year. I loved everything different about Jimmy, and he loved everything different about me. It was actually our differences that made us so compatible. He was strong where I wasn’t; where I was strong, he needed me.

When Jimmy and I jumped headlong into marriage, life came at us fast. We moved into our beautiful home, built a church, and started a family. We were running so fast and leaning on each other so hard that instead of recognizing our differences, we started ignoring them. We pushed them aside as if we could compartmentalize them.

In those early years, we allowed the adrenaline of running a church and raising kids to fuel us. But the more we focused on those roles, the more we neglected the roles of husband and wife, and the chemistry we’d felt in the beginning began to feel like friction—something we both resented but desperately wanted to fix.

At first our differences drew us together like the heat of passion. Now, it just felt like we got burned by them.

The question then becomes this: Is it possible to reconcile your differences?

The answer, we believe, is yes. Today, our marriage is stronger than ever! And your relationship can be more than sparks and the starry-eyed romance of your dating years. You can learn how to love your spouse on a level that’s deeper and more intimate than circumstances or seasons dictate. In fact, the seasons of life can strengthen you if you learn how to navigate your differences.

Respond

• Share the differences you and your spouse have identified.
• How do these differences impact your relationship?

Prayer

Lord, thank you for my spouse. We ask for wisdom to work through our differences. Help us to see the value in the unique way you created each of us!