End the Stalemate: Disagreeing Without Destroying the RelationshipSample

It’s Not Just about You!

What is the greatest threat to the church of Jesus Christ today?

The greatest threat to the church today is the same as it has been in every generation since the New Testament was written: quarreling.

Persecution strengthens the church. Intellectual challenges deepen our faith and stimulate our theological thinking. Ethical commitments that conflict with the culture make us stand out as salt and light. But quarreling kills from within.

The existential threat of quarreling leaps from the text of almost every New Testament epistle. Whether the letter is long or short (1 Corinthians or Philemon), quarreling is addressed. Whether the church is doing well or doing poorly (Philippians or Galatians), quarreling is addressed. Whether the tenor of the epistle is doctrinal (Romans) or personal (2 Timothy), quarreling is addressed. Clearly, the New Testament views quarreling as a life-threatening virus; it is a metastasizing cancer set on destroying its host.

In Paul’s day, the church quarreled over the Jewish law and over genealogies, over meat sacrificed to idols and Sabbath practices, and over favoritism shown to the rich patrons and negligence shown to poor widows. They quarreled over which apostle was better than the others. They quarreled over race, class, and gender. Sound familiar?

Does this put into context Paul’s passionate call for unity? “Make every effort” pleads Paul, “to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3). What will it take to keep unity? Paul provides us with a list of virtues: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (verse 2). To make his list even more challenging, notice the apostle’s qualifier—completely.

Think of the person in the church who drives you crazy because of how they vote. Think about race and immigration or the unwavering stance they took during the pandemic on mask-wearing. Do you have a person in mind? I do, and I can feel my heart racing just a little. Unity is fine in the abstract, but when it comes to that person, it’s a different story! Yet, Paul begs us to be completely gentle and patient. How? I suggest we start with Paul’s prayer that opens his letter: “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened” (Ephesians 1:18). Enlightened to what? To all the grace God gave you prior to salvation when you were far from him and at your worst. Think of the grace that God continues to give you as you stumble in the Christian walk. In short, remember that all need forgiveness and grace. That includes you and the person with whom you strongly disagree.

Today, make a list of all the benefits you’ve received from a gracious God. What comes to mind? After reviewing your list, ask how I should respond. Paul’s answer is to protect unity by giving the grace God gave to you to another. End by asking the Lord to bring to mind a person—or two—you need to talk to this week. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about how to have productive disagreements.