Deeper Waters: A 5-Day Devotional by Jeremy CampSample

Day 3: What If It Never Gets Better?

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

When I lost my first wife, Melissa, to cancer, my world shattered. I had prayed for God to heal her, but He didn’t choose to heal her the way I wanted Him to. Her death continues to be a part of my life to this day. God has used that part of my story to help other people walk through grief and traumatic loss. At the same time, He’s used my wife, Adie, and my children to help heal that part of my heart that was broken for so long.

One of my favorite lyrics I wrote for this album says, “There’s not a scar in this weathered heart that doesn’t have a story of Your healing.”

Healing doesn’t always come in the form we want it to, however. And healing isn’t always pleasant. We don’t get to decide how God chooses to heal, but we do get to pick whether or not we trust Him.

Admittedly, I have trust issues. I think they began to surface after Melissa passed away. Suddenly, I had this irrational fear that I could all too easily lose the best things in my life if I didn’t have a firm grip on them. But my control never seemed to result in anything but frustration. In fact, most of the time, it only hindered any type of redemptive outcome.

Ultimately, God wants my surrender. He wants me to trust that His plans for my life are far better than my own. In my new song, “Better,” I sing a lyric I’m still trying to live out: “If You don’t answer my questions on this side of heaven, I’m gonna trust the way You work when You don’t rush to heal the hurt. My heart’s still Yours forever even if it never gets better.”

I think God can handle our questions, but He’s always after our hearts.

I’m working through my trust issues, and I think that’s helping me build a deeper faith. The more I genuinely trust God, the more He shows me He’s trustworthy.