LOVE

"Love, a word that comes and goes. But few people really know what it means to really love somebody..."

These are lyrics to one of my favorite artist's songs, Kirk Franklin. The title of the song: "Love." Back in 1997, Mr. Franklin knew something that so many of our marriages have a distorted understanding and meaning about. Our understanding of the word love is defined by our experiences growing up. How we were treated by our family and friends followed by the phrase "I love you" or "I'm doing this because I love you." Or. after being abused, neglected, and/or devalued and then having that experience followed by "You know I love you, right? These events and often painful experiences help us define "love." Then we get married.

Two people with different experiences come together and do their best to communicate their understanding of what Love is. As believers, we bring our hurts and pains to God and ask Him to heal us from the painful experiences that we've had. God wants us to be healed from the pain, rejection, and unmet needs. He wants our marriages whole and healthy. Love is what makes it all work. Love is the engine.

1 Corinthians 13: 3-8, written by the Apostle Paul, gives us the framework for what God says love is. Once you read these verses, you now know what God expects us to pursue as the standard for our marriages. Not our definition of Love based on our filters. God's definition. From God's definition we came up with ours: “The pursuit of conscious and active attention to your spouse’s needs.” -Pastor Tai & Dr. Sh'nai

In 1 Pet 4:8, God instructs us to love deep, because it "covers a multitude of sins. When you read this verse along with the verses in 1 Cor, you understand that in order to love like God says, it has to come from a place deep in your spirit that only God can help you reach. So how do you get there?

These three tips will help you work on your love according to the Word:

1. Shorten your memory of each other's wrongs.
2. Forgive, then heal. Forgiveness is a command from God, healing takes time and courage.
3. Learn how to love each other. This is where the first three pillars become so valuable and interconnected to this pillar. Your love for each other is the catalyst for companionship, communication, and investment.

Working on dying to yourself in order to become a dynamic couple takes sacrifice, humility, and trust in God. Are you up to the challenge? I believe you can! In our final pillar Faith, we bring it all together.