How We Love MattersSample

Empathy.

Webster defines it as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

It sounds so simple, but truly remains one of the hardest things to do correctly. Why? Because oftentimes empathy doesn’t come as naturally as trying to fix, defend, or justify something.

And because of that, empathy is hard for the one who has to show it. But for the one in need of it, it is healing.

You are not alone.

Isn’t that a phrase that we all need to hear? Especially in our darkest moments when life feels painful, unpredictable or just plain hard, we all need to hear those words “you are not alone”. That's exactly what Jesus says to us in Hebrews 4:14-16. It says that Jesus is the great High Priest who is able to “empathize with our weaknesses”.

Think about the insane graciousness of that for a second.

God, able to empathize with our human weakness. Empathize with our pain, our struggle, our temptations. How? Because He went through it all. He was tempted. He was betrayed. He was traumatized. Just like many of us have been. And the crazy thing is, He did it by choice, simply to let us know that as we encounter hardship in this life, we are not alone.

What would it look like for you to give the gift of “you are not alone” to someone?

This can come in many forms, but I want to talk specifically about the way we converse with each other. What would it look like for you to give the gift of empathy there? To give the gift of sitting with someone in their pain without an ounce of defense, judgment and/or pretense? This, friends, is how we love one another, by giving to one another the gift that Christ has given to all of us. It's the gift of not leaving each other alone in pain but coming alongside and connecting with them.

If we led with empathy, how might our conversations change? How might our relationships change?

First, to lead with empathy requires a denial of self. And that is where most of us lose the battle. We don’t lead with denying ourselves; we lead with defending ourselves. Can you imagine if Jesus would have done that? If He had led by defending every reason why He should not have to come and die for our sin. But he didn’t do that. He led with self-denial. He denied his right to stay in heaven. That is what allows Him to be able to empathize with us.

He denied his right to come down off the cross so He could empathize with the times when we are called to great sacrifice in our lives.

He denied his right to get back at His scoffers so he could empathize with the times when we are mistreated.

He denied his right to put an end to Judas’ betrayal so that he could empathize with the times when we are painfully betrayed as well.

Jesus led with denial of Himself so that he could empathize with others. And He calls us to do the same.

So, the next time you engage with someone, what would it look like for you to lead with denial instead of defense? To give the same grace and love that your Father has given you? There is someone you know waiting to receive the gift of “you are not alone”.

Go out and give it to them, today. For His glory, Amen.