Godly Dating 101 Discovering the Truth About Relationships in a World That Constantly LiesSample

Godsent or Counterfeit?

As much as I would love to believe that everyone in the church loves Jesus, I would be fooling myself into thinking that.

I’ve learned it’s not enough to take the label and leave the lifestyle. It’s possible to appear spiritual but have our hearts be anything but rooted in the Word of God.

A man may preach the greatest sermon, but his life outside the pulpit may be abusive. A woman may have the most modest wardrobe and speak fluent King James Version, but her flattering words can lead straight to hell (Proverbs 5:3–5). If we are honest, that may have been some of us before God began to cleanse and sanctify us. Because God is aiming to change who we are, not just how we look.

It is possible for someone to attend church but not truly live for Christ. I know it’s possible because that used to be me. Someone may attend every service. They might be a part of a small group. They may even pay a tithe from every paycheck! Nevertheless, they could be doing all those things for show, not because of a genuine love for Jesus. There can be significant differences between those who attend church and those actually living for Christ.

The people we see in the church may or may not be saved, so you shouldn’t be dating or marrying just anyone from church. You aren’t compatible with everyone just because they are believers, and everyone in the house of God isn’t living a life that honors Christ. There have been times in my life when I know I was guilty of being faithful to the building but not to His Word. That led to me becoming a negative influence on women as well.

When I think of people who are in church but aren’t in a relationship with Jesus, I think of Judas. Judas walked with Jesus daily and wasn’t fully converted. He saw things that many of us haven’t—the healings, the demons being cast out, the feeding of thousands, walking on water, lives being free from darkness, and more. After seeing all those things, his heart still chose money over Jesus. He betrayed the Son of God for temporary gain.

If Judas could miss the mark, I know the same can happen to us. That’s why we don’t pursue a spouse based on their church attendance but on their lifestyle. Neither should we think we please God because of how often we pop up for Sunday school. Jesus said if we love Him, we will obey His Word (John 14:15). Our obedience to God and love for others will determine if we are following Jesus or simply attending service.

Many of us would like to date someone in church and assume that things couldn’t go bad or lead to sin. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. It is very easy to undergo a lot of emotional abuse and frustration, even from someone who is in church. They may even serve in ministry and still not have the type of character and spiritual fruit that God desires us, believers, to produce. Settling for someone who doesn’t have that same desire to live for God won’t lead to a fulfilling marriage as God intends.

We want you to be able to spot some differences between a man or a woman who looks the part and the one who can help you grow into who God destined you to be. The one you can find a relationship with that doesn’t lead straight to sex but leads to marriage first. Someone who will help you stay in the will of God instead of distracting you from Him. Someone who is exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit in their lives. Many of us don’t realize the difference between someone godly and someone who calls themselves a believer. We know someone is godly not because of their words but because we see them exhibiting love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in their actions.

Solomon warns us not to consent if someone aims to lead us into sin (Proverbs 1:10). If you give the devil an inch in your life, he will take a mile. Discernment is key because we want God to show us who aims to invest in us and who will take from us. Remember, boyfriends and girlfriends don’t get spouse privileges.

When God is behind a decision, He will always give us His peace. Some decisions in life always seem scary initially, whether starting a new job, switching schools, or beginning a relationship. But when you’re walking in God’s will and building your walk with Him, He will guide your steps. As He guides us, we know that He wants to bless us. The Bible says that God won’t withhold a good thing from us as we walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11). That’s proof that He won’t send a relationship that brings confusion.

Remember that the next time you question whether God desires someone in your life. It’s not that a godly relationship won’t experience problems, but it shouldn’t have you wrestling daily with uncertainty. You should have peace knowing that this relationship is honoring God—peace knowing that in moments of weakness, God blessed you with someone who can pray for you rather than prey on you. You’ll have peace knowing that if you have a family together, you have someone who can teach your children the truth about God and His Word.

We have to be careful not to allow our desires to become our guide because it’s always better to follow His will instead of our emotions. That will help us distinguish between what is Godsent and what is counterfeit.

Respond

Share a “counterfeit” experience in your life.

Discuss a Godsent relationship.

Prayer

Lord, some days it’s hard not to be fooled by someone we thought you were sending. Many pose as people they aren’t, but I thank you for your discernment. As I stay close to you, I know you’ll lead me to the right people and protect me from the wrong environments. Help me trust Your plan and timing as I seek to build a godly relationship. In Jesus’ name.