When Making Others Happy Is Making You MiserableSample

Day One: No Approval Needed
Key Verse: Proverbs 29:25

At the height of the coronavirus pandemic, our adult son had to abruptly return to America from Australia where he’d been living on a work visa. He rented a room from us for a few months until he could make his next move in life.

We soon noticed mail addressed to him stuffing our mailbox. As a member of Generation Z, he became a potential client for nearly every credit card company in existence, many showcasing a zero percent introductory interest rate with no annual fee. Stamped on the envelopes of these offers in large, eye-catching letters was this phrase: NO APPROVAL NEEDED. Now, if only we Christ-followers would understand this concept in our interactions with others!

Constantly seeking the approval of humans leads to people-pleasing. A few years ago, I realized that I didn’t just like to please people, I was also afraid of them. Maybe not afraid that they were going to do something to hurt me, but afraid of what they might think of me. Or scared of what they’d say about me. Or fearful of disappointing them. And so, I fell into the people-pleasing trap—big time!

Proverbs 29:25 declares “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.” (NIV)You might know the meaning of the word snare in English. It means “a trap,” much like one set to catch an animal. But the word as it is used carries a connotation that goes far beyond critter catching.

In the original Hebrew, the word translated in English as snare is the word moqesh. Moqesh doesn’t merely mean a trap for prey, it also carries the concept of bait or a lure. It indicates an animal, object, or person that is enticing, causing another to stop what they’re doing and insert themselves into a hazardous situation because of the “prize” set before them. Before they know it, they’re trapped!

Have you ever been enticed to say something you didn’t really mean to gain someone’s approval? You know, give your coworker an untrue compliment or rave about your neighbor’s new ginormous garden statue, that you don’t care for but that he is obsessed with?

Are you tempted to say yes to requests when you’d much rather say no just to avoid the uncomfortableness of turning the asker down? Is there a relationship in your life where your heartstrings are constantly tugged? And perhaps, worst of all, is there, someone, with whom you have a dysfunctional relationship, and you dread making them sad or upset, so you constantly take the bait and give in, just to garner their approval?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you, my friend, have been caught in a moqesh.

So, what are we to do to free ourselves from this snare? We wriggle free when we realize we do not constantly need the approval of others. We have already secured the greatest approval of all—that of being a child of the Most High God. It is he who can grant us the courage to resist being caught.

Second Timothy 1:7 reads, “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline” (NASB). Let’s tap into this spirit of bravery—harnessing its power to truly love people by being honest with them, and disciplining our minds to remember that we already have God’s approval, so we don’t need to seek it from others.

Will you dare to begin making choices based on what God wants you to do rather than based on if someone else approves? We can learn to trust our lives to God, giving responses that line up with His Word, carried out with confidence, not timidity.

Respond

How does the image of a snare accurately apply to situations where you are tempted to please someone or gain their attention or approval?

When, in the future, you are tempted to make choices to gain someone’s approval, what will you remind yourself of from Proverbs 29:25 about the fear of humans?

Prayer

Father, please keep me from falling into the people-pleasing trap by constantly seeking the approval of others. Remind me how much I am already loved and cherished by You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.