The Roar WithinSample

Day Three: Introducing the Big Five Man-Killers

I recently asked a trusted group of over three hundred men to rate the top five struggles—I’ll call them man-killers—that they deal with. I think you’ll find their answers eye-opening.

1. Lack of purpose

2. Lack of respect 

3. Anger

4. Lust

5. Shame

Next, I created an example of how each struggle can avalanche into the next. This may not be the same for you individually, but in staying true to the research, here is an illustration I believe most men will understand: When a man (1) lacks purpose, he doesn’t feel good about himself, so he craves respect from his wife, friends, boss, and/or coworkers. If he perceives a (2) lack of respect, he becomes (3) angry. The anger can cause him to (4) lust, have affairs, look at porn, cuss, throw or hit things, or even quit his job. Those actions lead to (5) shame, which leads to more hiding or attempts at behavior modification. Realizing he can’t conquer this on his own (can’t “manage” his sin), he feels more shame, which eventually leads to more sin. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Lack of purpose is the number one man-killer all men face. When a man loses his sense of purpose—he feels like he is not enough, like he’s in an endless bank of fog, alone, helpless and hopeless, and he’ll run from the very battles and challenges he was designed to overcome. 

A man’s purpose isn’t manmade—it comes from God. What man didn’t give, man can’t take away. The only One whose opinion matters is God. This purpose is not found through performance, achievement, recognition, or respect. Our true purpose can only be found through total surrender to God’s purpose for us. That begins to happen when we start believing God is who He says He is and we are who God says we are.

The only answer to these struggles is when a man realizes that his worth and value will never come through what he did or didn’t accomplish, whether he has others’ respect, or whether he did or didn’t sin. A man’s identity in Christ will never come through his performance but only through Christ in him, which is something he cannot earn; it is a gift. God put His righteousness, His “good enough,” in the believer the moment he truly believed. And that, my friend, is enough to take down any man-killer.

Where in your life do you find you’re most tempted to put on the mask, and why?