Rewiring Our Brains From PornographySample

Starve the Beast

When I initially meet with a guy or a group of guys about sexual sin, the first thing I want to determine is how serious they are about resisting.

So how do I determine whether someone is truly fed up or only feeling guilty in the moment? How do I know if they are serious about holiness or still praying “not yet”? My own experience has taught me to lead with a simple but drastic action to gauge their seriousness. And the action is one I truly believe is necessary for any other progress to happen. I call it “creating space by starving the beast.”

The basic idea is to establish artificial boundaries in relation to sexual temptation. This makes it possible for the deeper issues of the heart to surface without gasoline constantly being poured on the fire. Most often it means identifying the access point for the temptation and completely removing it.

For example, say a man is addicted to Internet pornography. In this case, one of the first things I’ll do is to establish an artificial boundary: no Internet use when you are by yourself. I view this as an absolute rule but not a permanent rule. In other words, these sorts of artificial boundaries are designed to be temporary. And, yes, this may mean making decisions that will inconvenience you. 

Instead of being deterred, though, you should brainstorm with others how to navigate these inconveniences. For example, if you need to check your e-mail and no one else is at home, drive to a coffee shop in order to do it. Same thing if you’re working at night and your family is asleep. Perhaps instead of working at night, you need to wake up early and drive to the coffee shop. Or ask your wife to stay up late or get up early with you, doing whatever she needs to do while you work at the kitchen table. 

Yes, such measures are inconvenient. But you can’t carry fire next to your chest and expect not to get burned. You can’t walk on hot coals and have unscorched feet (Prov. 6:27–28). Too many men pray, “Lead me not into temptation,” and continue to surf the Internet alone at 2:00 a.m. and watch steamy movies on Netflix. They keep fire in their pocket and act surprised when they get burned. They prefer the convenience of their technology to progress in their holiness. And so it’s important for us to establish artificial boundaries around the technology that is often the means of temptation and sin.