Before You SplitSample

“Make the First Move”

What would you think about being the first to take a risk in your marriage to turn the trajectory of your relationship? You don’t need to have a cooperative partner, and you don’t even need to feel like doing it. You can take a lot of first steps on your own.

For example, maybe you have a grievance you’ve never disclosed and the pressure you feel inside keeps mounting. It’s making you resent your spouse. He or she doesn’t even get the chance to respond with compassion because you’ve already written them off as untrustworthy. 

Or maybe you recognize the financial pressure you’re both facing, but taking that first step toward the workplace seems too daunting. Can you ac­cept working in a position that seems to underrepresent your skill set and still preserve your dignity? What would your friends think? 

Whatever relationship problem you face, would viewing yourself as a servant leader help you take the risk? As we know, Jesus “did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45).

It may be less intuitive to view marriage as a relationship where the goal is to serve each other’s needs and desires instead of a rela­tionship where you set the bar at a certain height and ex­pect your partner to clear it. The former is a recipe for love and peace; the latter is a formula for relational injury. 

If both of you throw yourselves into the risk of becoming a servant leader to the other, stand back and watch what happens. The shaky rela­tionship of two individuals each fighting for his or her own self-interest morphs into a relationship with solid footing. Serving each other bonds you with more caring. More caring leads to you both being more authentically satisfied. Being more satisfied leads to more play­fulness and fun. 

What started with serving ends up producing more passionate love. And when you carry out the com­mitment to serve each other in love over time, eventually your mar­riage becomes a wonder to behold. 

Jesus, fill me with your love and power to serve my wife (my husband) with humility and to risk taking the first step to restore wholeness to our marriage.