The Marriage Talks Part 1 | UnitySample

Day 2 | Genesis 2:18-25 | What Is Marriage?

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Welcome back The Marriage Talks. I’m Kris Langham, and today we ask an important question. What is marriage? I know - it sounds basic. And it is. We’ve all known this since longer than we can remember. Marriage is one of those things that just is. Cultures all over the world have it, and they build family around it. Build society on it for that matter. Marriage is a fundamental building block of life as we live it. 

But for a lot of us, marriage is kinda broken. In fact, the Bible tells us that we’re all broken. But God has a plan for healing and wholeness. That’s called redemption.

So if marriage is broken and needs to be restored - because people are broken and need to be restored - what is it restored to? What was God’s original design for marriage? 

That’s our question, and to find the answer, we’re going back to the beginning for a closer look at the first marriage. Genesis 2 is our text today. I’ll catch you up on the story thus far. In the beginning, God created everything. And everything was good. I know because God said it was good.

God created the man out of the dust of the ground. We’re made of dirt. Ask your periodic table - same elements. He called the man Adam, which means man, and put him in the Garden of Eden. Nice place. God gave Adam work: 

“Work (the garden) and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15).

He gave Adam a will - free will in fact, the choice between good and evil - and a command to choose good. But then we arrive at verse 18:

“The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone'” (Genesis 2:18a).

Now this is big. It’s the first time that God says something is not good. And it’s not Adam that isn’t good. It’s his condition. He is alone. Aloneness is not good. A man alone is incomplete. That’s a rather humbling reality for Adam, and for any man. You are not complete. God looks and says not good. 

Now marriage is not the only way to fill in the missing pieces. The Bible commends the single life in 1st Corinthians as a true blessing. But not the alone life. Single is good, alone is not good. That said, let’s get back to Adam’s story. 

Back in verse 18, God says: 

“I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18b).

Okay - the word helper is clearly the key here. It is God’s stated solution for the problem. As we shall see, it is the original purpose of a wife. So I looked up the Hebrew word, and it’s not terribly romantic. It’s ezer (ay-zair). It just means helper. 

But wait a second. That sounds like something a bossy kid would say to his little sister. “I’ll play the boss, you play the helper.” Is that God’s plan for husband and wife? Let’s see how this turns out. Genesis 2. Adam is alone. He needs a helper. Verse 19:

“Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found” (Genesis 2:19-20).

This is fascinating. What is God doing? I’m pretty sure that God has a plan, and God knows the animals are not the suitable helper. But he doesn’t tell that to Adam. And the process probably took hours. Yet God lets Adam learn from the process. First, Adam learns what won’t work.

None of the animals is the suitable helper. Oh animals are helpful - oxen can plow fields, dogs can herd sheep - but that’s not the help that Adam needs. That should give us some insight here on what a spouse isn’t.

Verse 21:

“So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said,

'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man'” (Genesis 2:21-23).

This is it. Adam found the right one. A woman. A wife. And watch what Adam says. This wife is far more than a helpful assistant. She is “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” That right there is a beautiful piece of poetry. The very first in fact. It means she’s part of me. She’s not some separate thing totally disconnected from me. She’s not a tool to use nor a pet to own. 

Now for those who think woman coming from man’s body makes man the greater and woman the lesser, keep in mind that every man since came from a woman’s body. So your mom wins on that count.

Now the New Testament will have more to say about the different roles of husband and wife, but we’ll get to that in a couple days. Back in Genesis 2, Adam speaks of his wife with words of equality, and much more than that, of oneness: “Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.” Verse 24:

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

And there is the answer to our question. What is marriage? It is a unity. The two become one. 

Now marriage is also much more than that. It is a covenant, a relationship, a commitment, and an incredible blessing. But first - from it’s very foundation - marriage is a unity. A man leaves mom and dad and is united. Two become one flesh.

So if it’s a unity, why is the wife called a helper? Does that mean Adam does the big stuff and Eve just helps? That almost sounds... subservient. But hold on there. 

E’zer - or helper -  comes up 21 times in the Old Testament. Twice here. Another two times to say that something isn’t very helpful. But in the other seventeen, the word is used to speak of God. The Lord is my help. And in the New Testament, the Greek word is used as a name for the Holy Spirit: the Helper. 

Think about that. The word used to describe the role of a wife is a rather ordinary word: helper. And yet, it is a word that God uses consistently to describe His role in your life. God is a Helper. Now  I’m not saying that your wife is God. Uh-uh. I’m saying that the role God gave her is a God role. Not a tool. Not a pet. Not a slave. A helper. 

Read on in the Bible and we will find that our purpose in life is found, not in living for self, but in serving others. We are all called to be helpers because God is a helper, and we are made in His image. 

What I’m saying to you men - is that God’s help to you often comes in the form of your wife. I’m saying that God’s words to you will quite often come through the voice of your wife. 

When alone isn’t good. When I am not enough. God provides a suitable helper. Not lesser, not subservient. Someone who is part of me. 

And the chapter ends:

“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25).

Okay stop giggling. These are your great-grandparents. And the point is not the nakedness. It’s the last part: no shame. No awful sense that I need to cover up or pretend. No facade. Just content with who I am and open with my spouse. This is the life that God intended. 

Today it’s broken. And yet God has a plan to redeem. To restore you to a place of no shame. And you just might find that He will use your marriage as part of that plan. 

Read Genesis 2, and then talk through our discussion questions. 

For Thought & Discussion:

Question 1: What do you think the Bible means in describing the wife as a helper?

Question 2: How is marriage a unity? What does it mean that two become one flesh?

Talk those over, and I’ll see you on day three. 

Read Genesis 2:18-25

All verses are quoted from the NIV.