12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can AvoidSample

We Prioritize Being Happy

“You won’t be happy if you do that,” we say. “It doesn’t make me happy when you talk like that,” we say. “Stop your attitude, and just be happy,” we say. We say, “Are you sure he’s the right one? Are you happy?” We say, “Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to live together anymore. We’re happier this way.” We say so many things that lead our children to believe that happiness is the ultimate goal. But it’s not just us. They hear it in culture, at school, with friends, and in every story that ever ended, “happily ever after.”

The only way our children can realize happiness is not the goal of life is for us to realize it first. Then we need to apply our 3,000 hours of yearly influence to model it for our kids. If life isn’t about being happy, what is it about? Jesus broke the meaning of life down to two simple commands. Love God with everything you’ve got, and love your neighbor as yourself. In other words, spend your life on God and others. Let’s call this “living an others-centered life.”

“Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget about themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying,” states psychologist, Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Did you forget about yourself just reading that last name? Seriously though, read back through Dr. C’s claim. It corroborates with Jesus’ two-step, how-to-live plan. When we spend ourselves on behalf of God and others, we don’t have time to worry about pursuing happiness, but that doesn’t mean we lose it. In fact, that’s when we find it as a byproduct of living the way Jesus commanded us to live.

But Jesus didn’t just tell his disciples to live this way, He got down in the dirt and washed their feet. Likewise, we’ve got to kneel down—past our happy place—and model service to our kids.

Practice: Spend time helping your kid(s) discover a gift or resource they have, and join them in using it to serve someone else.