Trapped by ControlSample

It’s an Illusion

Early in my marriage, I became frustrated every time my husband spent money I felt we didn’t have. I would say, “You need to stop spending money,” or “Did you really need that?”  And when he didn’t comply, my frustration turned to anxiety, anger, and resentment. Over time, I realized he wasn't over-spending, but I was overreacting out of fear. 

Control disguises itself as anything but what it is. We justify and blame others for our feelings of anger, anxiety, and confusion when, in reality, these emotions are surfacing to hide the fact that we can’t control people and situations. If we look beneath emotions, we would most likely find them tied to a desire to control, which is usually anchored to something we fear. 

We will always be afraid of things. Failure. Betrayal. Sickness. Spiders. Man. As these fears grow, we buy into the lie that having control will lead us to safety and eliminate risks. Under the umbrella of protecting and helping, we begin enforcing rules and planning out every detail. 

We watch this play out in Genesis 16 and 21. God promises Sarai a baby, and as the years pass by without any sign of pregnancy, her hope diminishes and her fear grows. Taking matters into her own hands, she has her husband, Abram, sleep with her servant girl, Hagar. Spoiler alert! She gets the outcome she controls. Hagar gives birth to Ishmael. But instead of happiness, Sarai is more miserable than before. Now she is not only full of fear, but anger, jealousy, and resentment as well. 

When control gets us what we initially want, we have to live in the bondage of what it costs. Rarely leading to the security or outcome we are navigating towards, we end up with the dreadful inner price tag of blaming, justifying, or having jealousy, loneliness, worry, anxiety, and stress. We see it in Sarai, and if we look close enough, we see it in ourselves. 

Control attempts to quiet our fear and navigate us through life’s uncertainties. But it doesn’t have that kind of power. Control is simply an illusion that is unable to deliver what it promises. Only God can quiet our fears. When feelings of anger, frustration, or perfection arise, stop and ask yourself: Do I feel like I’m losing control of someone or something, and therefore, trying to control? What am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?