LESSON 5: POSITIVITY II: THE POWER OF POSITIVE

Ready

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

Set

Remember the hospital study where placing more warning signs didn’t increase handwashing? The study didn’t end there.

The hospital next tried something different. They placed an electronic board and speaker system rewarding handwashing with an electronic message such as “Good job.”

Cheesy? Perhaps. Effective? Definitely.

In a matter of weeks, handwashing frequency increased by almost 80 percent. What was the difference? They replaced negative feedback with positive feedback.

Words matter.

Not surprisingly, the Bible tells us positive reinforcement should outweigh negative reinforcement.

Take these verses:

• “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” (Proverbs 16:24).
• “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

Gracious (kind, positive) words are like a honeycomb. They are sweet to the soul and healthy. This is true when teaching, coaching, or parenting kids. It’s no less true for adults.

I don’t know a single person who responds better to negative reinforcement than positive reinforcement. A “word fitly spoken” is like the richest, most ordained scene you can imagine. We know this to be true, as well. Saying just the right thing at the right time is priceless.

There is one more reason positive reinforcement should outweigh negative reinforcement: because God treats us this way. God is kind to us—far kinder than we deserve.

His love for us is unfailing (Psalm 36:7); steadfast (Psalm 136:26); and unconditional (John 3:16, Romans 5:8). If anyone ever had a reason to dispense with positive reinforcement, it would be God with us. He created us to have a relationship with him and follow him, yet we have all fallen far short of doing so (Romans 3:23).

He loves us anyway.

This is why the psalmist David could say he was the apple of God’s eye (Psalm 17:8). We are the apple of God’s eye. The God of the universe sees us as the apple of his eye.

John, a disciple of Jesus, would describe God’s love this way: “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God” (1 John 3:1). We are God’s children. So, of course, he loves us unfailingly, steadfastly, unconditionally. And others are his children too.

How God views others must impact how we treat others.

Go

1. Is there ever a place for negative reinforcement? When? How do you temper limited use of negative reinforcement with positive reinforcement?
2. Read James 3:1–10 again. In the three analogies used, what are the positive attributes of each analogy (bit in a horse, rudder on a ship, and fire)? What are the negative attributes of each? Looking at the lists, how does this relate to our words communicated to players?