God-Confident Kids By Cyndie Claypool De NeveSample

Day Six

Catch Them Being Good

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:11

One healthy way to build up God-confidence is to catch your kids being good and tell them what they did that was positive—for example, “Thanks for picking up your toys”; “Wow, good job on that test”; “I noticed you made your bed without me reminding you”; “I could tell you were angry, but I appreciated how you chose your words wisely.” Throughout the day, try to offer at least twice as many positive comments than corrections. 

You’ll be surprised by how much more your kids will listen to you when they know a lot of what you are going to say will be positive. But remember that the praise needs to be specific. Don’t blow smoke, so to speak, and certainly don’t use comparative words or comments. For example, do not say things like, “I love how you always get the highest score in the class.” Or “I’m so proud that you got the most hits/goals/baskets of the night. You’re way better than your other teammates.” 

As you give positives, think about what can encourage and develop their purpose, passion, and peace. What are the unique character traits you see in your child? “I love how God created you to think outside the box.” “God gave you such a helpful spirit. You always look like you’re having such fun after church stacking chairs and cleaning up.” “I love that you invited the new girl to your birthday party. I think God will use that to help her feel more connected at school.” “I know you had a lot of anxiety about doing that research paper, but you did a great job staying focused and getting it finished. Do you feel less anxious now that you turned it in?” 

Finding the balance between being too strict and too lenient can be difficult, especially if we’re parenting out of fear. Trust your kids to the Lord. Pray through the decisions to give them incrementally more freedom as you see them becoming more responsible. Fear-based parenting can seem safer in the moment. However, it doesn’t allow our kids the opportunity to make choices and experience the outcome of their decisions. Often, those poor decisions are the best learning experiences, resulting in greater God-confidence down the road. 

When have you seen your child take on more responsibility or grow in healthy confidence as a result of a positive comment?