Nice By Sharon Hodde MillerSample

Day Six

Speaking Truth in Love

Scripture: Ephesians 4:15

“You might lose people.”

Throughout my years as a writer and a teacher, I have fielded this warning from well-intentioned people who wanted me to steward my influence well. The caution cuts me to the core because I have long been driven by a need to achieve. I want to make an impact. I want to be taken seriously. What I do not want to do is lose people. 

In one way or another, we all wrestle with the fragile nature of influence. The parent who wants to dispense advice without alienating his child. The twenty-something who wants to share her concerns about her friend’s dating relationship but doesn’t want to alienate the friendship. The pastor who wants to hold a church member accountable—a member who is also one of the congregation’s biggest donors.

But niceness avoids hard conversations at any cost, for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And because of that, niceness rarely “loses people.” 

Many of us nice Christians are willing to speak the truth in love, as Paul directs us in Ephesians 4, so long as we are speaking it to people “out there.” We will criticize that other group, that other strand of Christianity, those other people outside the walls of our church. This allows us to call ourselves bold while maintaining our nice Christian image because we never turn the critical eye on our own group. 

In contrast, notice something important about Ezekiel’s story that we looked at yesterday. Ezekiel went to his people, the people of Israel. God sent him to his own community. This is how we die to the idolatry of influence. We say what is true, even when it’s hard or controversial, to the people who love us most. 

This may mean talking to a family member whose drinking seems to be out of control. This may mean challenging a friend who has been flirting with someone who isn’t their spouse. And this may mean holding our church leaders accountable for some form of abuse. 

When we faithfully speak the things that are true, even when it’s hard, we not only guard the integrity of our community but we do the difficult, long-term work of bearing better fruit. 

Is there someone you love who needs to hear hard truth right now? Spend some time in prayer about whether you are the one to speak to him or her.