The DIY Guide To Building A Family That Lasts - A 6-Day DevotionalSample

Home improvement goal:

Reduce resentment.

Home improvement tool:

Choose forgiveness.

Resentment is a strong word. It’s close in meaning to hatred and often involves long-standing bitterness, or grudge holding, because of a wrong we feel has been done to us.

A few of you just read that definition and think, “That’s not our home. I’ll just skim this chapter and move on.” But I’ve found as a counselor that more homes are wrecked by resentment than you might expect.

In fact, resentment sometimes sneaks into our relationships before we’re even aware it’s happening. And then, after time passes, we more clearly see and feel the damage it leaves in its wake.

Termites and other wood-destroying pests do the same thing. They set in unnoticed and steadily damage the foundation of our houses. Water damage and ground settling have a similar effect—they all in time can cause shifts in our foundation, which can lead to uneven floors, cracks in the walls, and doors and windows that don’t shut quite right. Those are visible effects of literal foundation damage.

Not one of us is perfect. We will fail each other in little and big ways. Accepting this reality is an important starting place for cultivating a spirit of forgiveness at home.

In practical terms, we first choose an attitude of forgiveness when faced with the “small stuff.” I call this “forbearance” or patience with the things that bug us about the other person. I’m talking about the way they leave hairs in the bathroom sink, the fact that they fail to hang up their clothes, or the way they load the dishwasher. It should be easy to overlook the small stuff in life, right? No, it’s not easy. Often we resent the fact that our spouse does not do things our way.

We must accept the reality that harboring resentment is not going to bring change. Apology and forgiveness is a much more powerful home improvement tool that will bring the change we long for.