The Heart Of Perfection: Trading Our Dream Of Perfect For God'sSample

"Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,

heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, 

bearing with one another and forgiving one another. ...

And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.”

(Col 3:12–14)

Gentleness and patience—like most of the other fruits of the Holy Spirit that Saint Paul praises in this passage—aren’t much in vogue these days. 

We live hard and fast. Our phones buzz and ding all hours for our attention. Work deadlines, overstuffed schedules and constant updates from far-flung family and friends follow us everywhere, even into quiet times and prayer corners once reserved for God alone. 

We don’t want to push ourselves or others too hard, but we do it anyway. Cultivating gentleness and patience will have to wait because the world’s demands won’t. 

While our culture might be more frantic than ever before, harshness and hurry have always been the way of the world. And they’ve always been signature weaknesses of spiritual perfectionists, who tend to import the same tougher-faster-better approach that we use in the rest of life into life with Christ.

We know that “with the Lord one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day” (2 Peter 3: 8). But we also know that “with God all things are possible” (Matt 19:26). Is it too much to ask that our transformation in Christ be a fast-track affair, complete with a swift, decisive turnaround à la Paul on the road to Damascus? Must we make only slow, incremental spiritual progress when we’d rather ditch our faults overnight and soar? 

Judging from Scripture and the scores of holy men and women who have struggled with perfectionism before us, the answer is: Yes, we must. We must “wait patiently for the Lord” (Ps 27:14) even when what we’re waiting for is greater patience and gentleness. What’s more, we must learn these countercultural virtues by practicing them even on the person whose weaknesses bother us most: ourselves. As recovering perfectionist Saint Francis de Sales liked to say, “Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself.” 

That means cutting ourselves slack when we realize we’ve prioritized the urgent over the important or come down too hard on a naughty toddler or annoying coworker. It means acknowledging our sins, asking forgiveness, then seeking God’s help to slow down, ease up and do better next time. 

We can be sure we’ll get it from the gentle Savior who promises rest from all our burdens, including the burden of getting everything right, right away. 

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Scripture: 

Read Matthew 11: 28 – 30.

Reflect:

Jesus makes an explicit connection here between His own gentleness of heart and the rest we find when we trade our burdens for His. Where in your life do you most need rest right now? Where do you need to slow down and let go? Is there a burden you’ve been trying to carry on your own? What would happen if you gave it to Jesus and took His yoke instead? Try it today and see.