Ephesians Explained | Grace SwaggerSample

Day 7 | Ephesians 5:21-33 | The Marriage Chapter

Welcome to Ephesians 5 - part two on marriage. Before we dive in, a story. It was early Sunday morning, I was up preparing to teach this passage. And I was taken by the beautiful picture of marriage here. Glorious. And then I heard my wife calling. Something had woken her. Her first words of the day were, “Honey… dog barf.” I knew what happened. George McDuff - our terrier - had vomited. 

Decision time. Do I tell my wife that cleaning is woman’s work - or do I lead like Jesus, who put us first and washed dirty feet?

I start there because the verses ahead are about real life. Marriage is a beautiful and romantic ideal, and - done right - a phenomenal picture of our relationship with Jesus. But all of that is lived out in the messy reality of life: of kids, jobs, bills, busyness, and the conflicting emotions and personalities of two sinners that God is still working on. And God uses marriage to humble and sanctify us. So tread humbly here, and watch out for dog barf.

Now the key verse to all this is 21:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

For a Christian, every relationship is a call to submit. Remember that submission here is not subjugation. It’s a dignified act of free will taken by a child of the King; an act of respect between equals. Submission is an expression of humility, respect, and love.

And both sides submit, though the act is different on each side. First up: wives and husbands. The key to this picture is in verse 31 - a quote from the creation story. A man leaves his parents and unites to his wife... 

“...and the two become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

A married couple is one. One united body. 

The husband is the head - that’s important. But head doesn’t mean overlord. In one person, head and body are not in competition. There’s no “me better than you,” and the head doesn’t boss the body around for personal gain. They work as one. They communicate, protect, and care for each other.

So let’s dive in. Verse 22:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Now watch this. Wives: submit. Allow your husband to lead. It does not say: “Husbands, make your wives submit.” That is neither love nor humility. 

It is a call to submit, but so is the call to husbands. In fact, all six here: husband, wife, parent, child, slave, and master are all examples of the call to submit.

Wives, submit to “your own” husband. It does not say “Women submit to men,” nor does it say “all men are head over all women.” The directions here are specific to marriage, not society, not politics, not the workplace. Workplace directions are coming up, and they say nothing about men always being the boss. So be careful to distinguish between cultural norms and Biblical directives. 

Wives, submit to your husband...

“...as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). 

The word as does not mean in the same way, but rather as part of. Jesus is your King - you submit to Him. As part of that, also submit to hubby. Verse 23:

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior” (Ephesians 5:23).

This picture is key. The husband is the head. Think about head and body. Does a head subjugate the body to serve its desires? No. Head and body are not master and slave. They are one person. There’s no competition. There is common goal and purpose, common sacrifice, clear communication, and working together. There is one. 

And when husband and wife are truly one, they are a picture of Jesus and the church. Jesus is the head, the church is His body. But Jesus is not in the slightest way selfish. He is sacrifice and Savior. Verse 24: 

“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24).

The as here is important. Submitting to husband should be like submitting to Christ. So what is that like? Does Jesus call His church to a boring life of servitude? No! Did Jesus take all the cool work and leave us with laundry and dishes? No!

The life that Jesus calls us to is amazing. Work that matters. Life with purpose. But it is submission to Him, make no mistake. But that submission is to the Savior who humbled himself for us to make us live - to restore purpose to our souls. He gave us gifts and calling. He makes us shine. 

And, well, I submit to that treatment. Think about it: Jesus washed the disciples feet, and He told them, “Go make disciples” (Matthew 28:19) and, “You will do greater works than these” (John 14:12).

So a marriage done right should look something like that. It is not one-sided submission. And the husband’s call to sacrifice is in verse 25:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her….” (Ephesians 5:25).

There are four words in Greek that all get translated as love in English, but they’re different. 

The first three are brotherly love (or affection), romantic love (or passion), and contented (or steadfast) love. A husband should have all of those for his wife. But the fourth one, the one here, is agape. It is sacrifice. Die to self. It was rarely used in classical Greek; a bit lofty for mere mortals. But in the Bible, when John says that “God is love” (1 John 4:8), it’s agape. When Jesus tells us that “God so loved” (John 3:16), it’s agape. And this is the husband’s calling. Love in self-sacrifice...

“...just as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). 

If you read Ephesians 5 and think that wives don’t get a fair shake, or if anyone tells you it’s sexist, look closer. Let’s consolidate the words: 

Wives, submit by yielding way. Let him lead. Husbands, love by dying. Lead her by sacrificing you.

And don’t underestimate that sacrifice - just as Christ gave himself up for the church. Take a good look at Jesus on the cross and at your life following him, and then tell me if you think the church gets the raw end of this deal. 

Husbands: put her first. Lay down your life. All your selfish ambition, your self-centered desire and greed - let it die. You live for her first. Watch how Jesus treats His church, and do likewise. 

So in verse 26, Jesus sacrificed Himself for the church...

“…to make her holy” (Ephesians 5:26). 

Holy means set apart - like a good husband sets his bride apart from every other woman. Marriage is holy. Back in 26: 

“...cleansing her by the washing with water through the word...” (Ephesians 5:26). 

Jesus washes our souls clean through the Word. That’s why we’re reading the Bible right now. And Jesus does this...

“...to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27). 

Jesus makes us radiant. And a husband should love and sacrifice to make his wife beautiful set apart in his heart. 

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28).

Husband, your wife is your body; take care of her. Provide, show genuine concern, do what is best for her. 

“He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28).

She is part of you - the best part. Just as God intended from the beginning, leave mom and dad, and become one with your bride. 

And verse 33 sums it up: husbands love, wives respect. A wife needs to know she is loved - that you will sacrifice and set her apart. A husband needs to know he is respected - that you trust him and believe in him. And both of those require submission. 

And I gotta go. Clean up on aisle dog. For more on marriage in the Bible, check out our reading plan called Love, Romance, and Marriage. 

Join us next time as we continue the journey one chapter at a time. And remember, faith comes by hearing, and hearing through the Word.