The Sacred Search by Gary ThomasSample

“A Good Spouse…”

Is Humble:
A quick definition: humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is think less about yourself. It is someone who, like Jesus, believes he has come “not to be served, but to serve.” Jesus knew His talents, and He knew His deity, but He used His power to serve. Unlike Jesus (since we are not perfect, and He was), a humble person is someone who has experienced and is experiencing conviction of sin: they are aware that they fall short, every day, and that they have much to work on, and biblical grace is the only place they put their hope.

Is Able to Forgive:
If you believe the Bible, you are going to stumble many times throughout your marriage (James 3:2). You will break your spouse’s heart. You will disappoint her. You will embarrass him. Your sin will inconvenience her.
Can I be honest with you? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is having a difficult time forgiving you for things you’ve done while dating, marriage is going to be even harder. When you live together and raise a family together, sins become more apparent, more common, and more consequential. If that person can’t forgive you now, he or she will never be able to forgive you then.

Communicates:
Intimacy is build through sharing, listening, understanding, and talking through issues. If someone doesn’t like to talk, refuses to talk, or resents your desire to talk, intimacy building is going to hit a stone wall. In most relationships, the woman will desire to talk more than the man, so women shouldn’t freak out if their boyfriends don’t seem as excited about this aspect of relational building as they are. But, women, if he isn’t growing in his desire to share his heart with you, if he is doing it only to please you, if it feels like a chore to get him to get to know you, if he can’t or won’t ask you a question about yourself—he lacks the basic relational skills to build an intimate marriage.

* What other character qualities does a good marriage partner need? (prays, handles conflict appropriately, keeps friends, etc.) Do any of these raise red flags for your current boyfriend/girlfriend?