Connection KillersSample

Day 5: Criticism 

Instead of attacking someone’s self-worth with shame, we can attack their character with criticism as we disappointedly judge their merits and faults. Criticism creates a strong disconnection since most people do not like the feeling of being wrong. The telltale signs of criticism come packaged as “They should’ve,” “They always,” and “They never.” They should’ve rinsed the plates before loading them in the dishwasher. They always load the dishes wrong. They never get the dishes as clean as they could be. 

If our ego gets threatened by someone who does something differently than we do, then criticism is there to level the playing field. Criticism could also come from a need to be the one to express an expert opinion, feelings of insecurity, a counterattack to being criticized, or simply from a lack of skill to deliver well-meant feedback. Whatever the case, it has more to do with the person giving the criticism and not the receiver. 

Criticism is simply a judgment call. The problem is that it is almost always founded on a lack of understanding, false assumptions, and poor results-versus-intent logic. So remember Theodore Roosevelt’s line: “It’s not the critic who counts.” The person who actually does something deserves the credit. 

We can overcome criticism by expressing straightforward comments about concerns in a positive fashion. And it’s a good idea to start the conversation with a positive “I” statement about what is working well. For example, “I appreciate how you keep our dishes from piling up in the sink by frequently loading the dishwasher for us.” Focus on the positives and then express a need without blame. Finally, if you can find humor in the situation without making fun of the other person, then that could prevent an ego duel. For example, “It’s official—we are the classic old married couple battling over clean dishes.” 

God makes it clear that we, mankind, are all sinners on a level playing field and that we are not to judge one another. And if we do choose to judge others, then the same measure we used will also be used to judge us. The good news is the Bible also tells us that when we turn to Jesus, we no longer need to fear judgment because Christ endured it for us. So the next time you catch yourself tempted to judge someone with criticism, try to share some of the grace and mercy you have been given. 

Pray:

God, help us focus on our positive outcomes, accomplishments, and grace so that we do not unfairly judge one another’s actions, intentions, or thoughts.