Stop The Fighting - Part 2: Breaking The Cycles Of Unhealthy ConflictSample

Working It Out

Devotional Content:

I think one of the biggest obstacles couples face when trying to work out a problem or an issue is that we just don’t have the energy. We are angry with each other and it just seems easier to either withdraw or fight it out for awhile. When we withdraw, we may get a little peace and quiet, but it will be short lived because we did not deal with the issue. Fighting it out happens because we are already angry so we think “why not”? Often, taking the time to work it out just doesn’t look very appealing. It takes time and a lot of effort, and we just don’t have it in us.

Here are some things for you to think about. Of the three choices above, only one will give you an awesome marriage. Fighting it out will never resolve anything. The only thing you might improve is your ability to fight and that is never going to help your marriage. Withdrawing leaves all the issues on the table and nine times out of ten you will be back at the table fighting over the same issues again. The only real solution is taking the time to work it out.

Here are five tips to get you going:

1. Agree to stop the fight. Agree on a time to talk it through later after you both have calmed down and taken time to pray about it.
2. Listen to each other and make sure you are really hearing what the other one is saying.
3. Make sure you understand each other’s perspective.
4. Explore solutions together.
5. Pick one solution and follow through with it.

Today’s Challenge:

How well do you try to understand each other’s perspective? What would help each of you to do it better?

Going Deeper:

Learning as a couple how to explore solutions together is an important step in resolving conflict. Take an issue that has been a cause of conflict in your marriage and take turns offering solutions.

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