Building Character in Your ChildSample

Gratitude 

By Lauren Miller

Gratitude is expected in American culture. How many times have we heard parents with a scolding tone ask their children, “What do you say?” expecting them to respond with a half-hearted “thank you”? The phrase is demanded as if the words themselves were important. But grateful people are marked by more than the occasional expression of thanks. They are marked by their hearts. 

In her popular book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, Ann Voskamp shares her personal discovery of the power of thankfulness to dissolve discontentment and worry in her life. She captures a simple yet profound truth about thankfulness: “As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.” With thankfulness comes a repositioning of your focus from dissatisfaction to adoration of God’s goodness, and therefore the gratefulness changes your heart, from one of discontent to fullness of joy. 

Part of training gratefulness in a child involves encouraging it when they least feel grateful. It’s when the family must eat chicken soup for the fifth day in a row, the air conditioning stops working, or when they have homework coming out of their ears—those are the opportunities for shaping thankfulness. Saying the words “thank you” will grant zero joy unless they flow from a genuine heart. 

I remember sitting on the stairs with my mom and sister when I was young and verbally “popcorning” all of the qualities of God we could think of for which to thank Him. Setting aside time and creating projects like this can go a long way. This single exercise has stuck with me my whole life. 

Another helpful exercise is memorizing scripture and singing songs that remind us: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1). Use those truths to teach your children the wonderful characteristics of God that they can depend on—they will never run out of reasons to be thankful.

Finally, share with them what you yourself thanked God for today. Tell them how grateful you are that God placed the blessings and the struggles in your life. Be an example of true gratitude to your children by taking off a heart of complaint and putting on a heart of praise. Your children will see that Christian thanksgiving isn’t just a bunch of words. It’s a condition of the heart. 

To learn more about building character in your child, visit FamilyLife’s Art of Parenting.