God’s Design For Our Life Is The Best Thing For Us

God designed and perfectly created both male and female. A husband and wife complement each other. Marriage is a union, such a perfect fit that two become one (Ephesians 5:31). The master design was for a couple to permanently join together physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When entering into this lifelong commitment, the bride and groom make irrevocable vows that the union will never be broken, neither by divorce nor through the giving of oneself to any other.

How incredible is it that God designed such a perfect relationship as a representation of our permanent relationship with Christ? However, when we act outside of this union in ways such as premarital sex or wandering eyes, we reject God’s gift in order to chase after temporary pleasure, which never really fully satisfies. All forms of lust, such as fantasy, porn, and masturbation, break down the bond of marriage and negatively affect our relationships with God and a spouse, even if it is a future spouse.

Why does God want you to live a sexually pure life according to His design? When the Lord tells you to be faithful to your spouse, you can be sure that it’s for your own good as well as for His glory. God wants to protect you from harm. He knows that sexual immorality not only endangers your body but also scars your soul and spirit. You pretend to know better and say, “No one is hurt” or “We both consented, so where is the harm?” But who knows the long-term spiritual damage better than God? Put an end to this by believing God and trusting in His Word. The Lord knows and desires what is best for you. Sexual misconduct harms you in many ways. Surely guilt, shame, and shutting down your heart are among them. Other ways are more subtle. The pornographic images are stored in your mind and compete with your present real relationships. We also carry over perverted and adulterous thoughts and fantasies into marriage.

What real person could ever measure up to a fantasy? Your illicit lusts and fanciful expectations are self-centered and anti-relational. Over time you actually train yourself to be selfishly served and instantly gratified. You also discipline yourself to withhold love and feelings.

The evils you entertain also end up blocking your perfect union with God. When you chase after the idols of selfish pleasure, you build a dividing wall. The sign on your heart declares “Keep out!” or “Off limits.” By walking in step with the world, you turn away from the One who created you and loves you most. Remember, God is still turned toward you and loves you. He has not distanced Himself from you because the cross has removed that barrier, but sin causes you to distance yourself from Him. You stop listening to God’s voice, and you cannot discern His will. Your requests of God go unanswered because they are selfish and cold (James 4:3). You drift through life self-deceived, thinking that your ways can bring satisfaction.

Even though your soul cries out for divine union with God, you incorrectly interpret this yearning for self-gratification. You end up turning repeatedly to selfish and prideful indulgences which blind you to the beauty and perfection of God and His ways. Doubt about God’s goodness creeps in. Like sheep we go astray, each to his own way (Isaiah 53:6). You deceive yourself into thinking that you know best and that all is well, but inside you rot.

What is the cure? Only by acknowledging and repenting from your sinful and selfish ways and running to God in an open and honest relationship do you allow God to repair the damage.

Fortunately, God is the Good Shepherd. He does not abandon the lost. Instead, He gently calls and encourages you to return to the safety and fulfillment of His green pastures. The Lord wants to supply every true need. As you respond and move toward Him, God cleanses you and heals your wounds. The Lord perfectly guides and protects His flock. He will renew and transform all who are willing. Will you respond to His call?

In what ways have you tried to design your life?

Heartwork

Write down why all sexual thoughts and activity that do not conform to God’s intention grieve Him.

Will you agree with God that these things are wrong?

Read Ephesians 5:25–33. What strikes you and why?

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of His body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (NIV)

God designed the union between husband and wife to be both emotional and spiritual. In God’s perfect plan, marriage guides us to an understanding of how much Christ loves the Church. Just as Christ is faithful to, loves, and nurtures the Church, Christian men are to be totally faithful and devoted to loving and nurturing their wives. In the same way, as the Church is called to love Christ and be devoted and committed to Christ, wives in turn are to love and respect their husband with faithful devotion.

The “test” for purity is not whether it feels good or whether the other person consents, like premarital sex. In fact, all sexually impure thoughts or acts offend God and harm your spirit, regardless of your consent. Think about this for a moment. Write out how you feel Jesus is challenging you to live out sexual purity. How do you want to know purity in your life?

Because God is good and is loving, His design is always best for us. For example, His command that men and women have only one spouse (including in their hearts and thoughts) is not a burden, but a blessing. God knows that if you have a divided heart, you’ll never have a trusting, safe, and fulfilling marriage. God also knows that your heart will not have true peace or contentment if you seek to serve two masters or are divided in your love and loyalty. Matthew 6:24 (ESV)—“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”

Will you decide today that you won’t be divided between loving the world and loving God? God wants your heart devoted not just to good works or outward appearances, but to Him personally. He doesn’t delight in sacrifices but in a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:16–17). Be fully devoted to pursuing intimacy with Christ. Keep drawing near to God, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8).

Special Note for Single Women

Don’t fall for the lie that you are incomplete if not married. In fact, the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:8 that it’s good to be unmarried. Don’t be deceived: Sexually impure thoughts and actions will not simply go away when you get married! Therefore, when reading about how married women should act in purity, don’t shrug it off. Rather, be all the more committed to living in absolute purity right now by allowing the Lord to renew and transform your mind and by putting into place all six elements of a Proven life!

Some singles may have decided they will never marry, so they think they are justified in impure thoughts because they are not sinning against a future husband. Our top priority should be faithfulness to the Lord. For the forever single person, even though impure thoughts would not be sin against a husband, they would still be sin against God because He is the one calling us to purity. Jesus was pure in His singleness for us.

Pray

The “O” in PROVEN is for Open and Honest. Go to the Lord now in open communication. Tell Him about your struggle with pornography, masturbation, fantasies, or other sexual sins. Ask Him to show you how sin breaks His heart. Ask Him that it would break your heart too.

Are you being open with others when they ask you how you are feeling? Talk to God about it. Do you hide your feelings or pretend all is well?

• Ask the Lord to loosen your tongue to talk openly to Him and others. If you’re afraid of doing this, tell Him why. He wants to hear from you.
• Ask God to reveal what walls you have built around your heart that block out God and others, and to show you how to tear them down. Be still and listen for a moment.
• If you are single, ask the Lord to help you understand purity in your singleness.
• If you are married, ask the Lord to make you a one-man woman who seeks purity (including thoughts) in your sexual relationship with your husband.
• Pray for blessings and protection for your husband and for your family.

Read Proverbs 5 slowly while asking God to meet with you. Don’t worry about the role of the man versus the woman in this text. Ask God to bring conviction wherever needed. As you read, consider not only the temporary pleasures of fantasy or immorality but also the high cost of dwelling on and chasing after the flesh (the world). Agree to listen to the Lord and allow other godly women to give you instruction as you strive to live out purity.