SOUL RESET: Forgive Without Compromising Your Peaceنموونە

After forgiveness and during reconciliation comes one of the most challenging parts of healing relationships: rebuilding trust. You need to know that rebuilding trust takes time - often more than we expect or want to give.

Remember our key truth? Forgiveness depends on me, and reconciliation depends on us. Well, here's a third element - trust takes time. This third element is crucial. Just look at Jacob and Esau's story after their emotional reunion.

"Esau said, 'Let us journey on our way, and I will go ahead of you.' But Jacob said to him, 'My lord knows that the children are frail...If they are driven hard for one day, all the flocks will die...Let my lord pass on ahead of his servant, and I will lead on slowly...until I come to my lord in Seir.'" (Genesis 33:12-14)

Even after their tearful embrace, Jacob may not have been ready to trust Esau fully. He politely declined to travel together, moving at his own pace. This wasn't a lack of forgiveness; Jacob had already forgiven Esau. It wasn't a rejection of reconciliation - they had just reconciled. What if Jacob showed us wisdom and patience with trust?

I experienced this in my own life after writing that apology letter to my ex-girlfriend. Her response left me gutted and ashamed. I knew I was wrong and lacked integrity, so I dedicated myself to a new pattern. I committed to not speaking one unkind word about her. I replied in a short email, thanking her for her honesty and letting her know she was right.

Months passed as I charted a different path marked by integrity and compassion. Eventually, I found an envelope on my car’s windshield containing a very different letter from my ex-girlfriend. She apologized for the harshness in her email and noted that she'd seen a significant change in me. Even after this exchange of forgiveness, we didn't immediately become close friends. We went on to date and marry other people but enjoyed a cordial friendship, and I was able to encourage her family during a traumatic event in the future. The trust had to be rebuilt slowly through consistent changes over time.

Here's what I've learned about rebuilding trust:

• Trust is earned, not demanded.
• Trust grows slowly but can be lost instantly.
• Trust requires consistent evidence of change.
• Trust honors wisdom and boundaries.
• Trust isn't the same as forgiveness.

This pattern appears throughout Scripture. In Acts 13, John Mark abandoned Paul and Barnabas during their first missionary journey. At the end of Acts 15, Paul refused to take John Mark on their second journey. Years later, near the end of his life, he requested John Mark come to him because "he is useful to me in the ministry." Trust was rebuilt, but it took time!

Don't rush the process of rebuilding trust. If someone pressures you to trust them immediately after apologizing, they might not understand how trust works. Real change takes time to prove itself. As Galatians 6:9 reminds us, "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up."

Tomorrow, I'll share practical ways to find out if someone is trustworthy and ready for reconciliation. But today, ponder this: Are you giving trust the time it needs to grow? Are you pressured to trust someone before seeing consistent evidence of change?