Day 5: What is Your Family’s Identity?

It’s a 3-D kind of thing—discover, define, demonstrate.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, your family has an identity. People recognize it when they see you—it’s how they describe your family to others. They might say something positive, like, "The Johnsons are always so much fun!" Or, maybe less positive, like, "Here come the Johnsons; there goes all the fun."

Let me be clear; I’m not suggesting you base your actions or decisions on how others perceive you. Instead, I want to encourage you to do a true and honest evaluation of your current actions to help bring awareness and understanding to the identity you're portraying.

What we often see is a family resembling an art gallery, showcasing pieces accumulated over decades. However, the curation of their exhibit lacks careful consideration. They unintentionally display various pieces of art without discernment, granting outside influences the authority to hang artwork in the gallery. Moreover, they neglect to take inventory of their own collection. While they open the doors to the world and declare, "This is who we are," they rarely walk through their own hallways to truly grasp the reality of what they have become.

Sound familiar?

There is hope. You have the power to shape your family identity. You can choose the masterpieces you curate, deciding what is important to your family and how you display this collective identity. Your family might already have a clear identity with shared values, and if you want to maintain that, we encourage you to reinforce and celebrate those values within your family. However, if you're intrigued by the idea of working towards an intentional family identity, now is the time to lean in.

One powerful way to add clarity is by establishing family core values—shared priorities and beliefs.

Family core values closely resemble your personal values. They embody the traits or qualities that reflect your highest priorities and deepest beliefs. In a family, these values are not only agreed upon but also communicated and shared collectively. Core values act as a lens through which you perceive the world, forming a standard that guides your family's decisions. Look for opportunities to affirm your values through your actions and decisions. For instance, if generosity is a core value, volunteering becomes a natural expression.

You might have some core values that you love—keep those! You might have some behaviors or traditions that you don’t love at all—get rid of them. Think of core values as a combination of both existing and aspirational. Together, they represent who you are and who you’re on your way to becoming.

Clarifying family core values involves teamwork. Unfortunately, determining family core values isn't a unilateral decision, regardless of your role within the family. They're not enforced but collectively defined through clear communication and intentional conversations.

Collaboration is crucial! Start by discussing how each family member defines the family; then encourage each other to share individual perspectives.

Yes, it's really that simple.

The good news is, anyone in the family can take on this initiative. If you're a parent, setting the environment is a crucial aspect of your role and responsibilities, whether you've actively done it in the past or not. As one of the children in the family, you can step into a leadership role and initiate a conversation that perhaps your parent(s) haven't considered. Regardless of your role in the family—you can be a leader. Look for the right opportunity to begin, and you'll be amazed at how these intentional conversations can transform and strengthen your family identity.

1. What pieces of "art" or aspects of your family's identity are currently on display for the world to see?
2. Do you feel that your family is intentional in curating and shaping its identity, or does it happen more spontaneously?
3. What core values do you believe define your family, and how are they currently being affirmed through actions and decisions?
4. In what ways can your family improve collaboration and communication to collectively define and reinforce its core values?