Sho Baraka - Talented 10thنموونە

Cliff & Claire

It is very clear that man/woman is not meant to be alone. Whether it’s the covenant relationship that comes in the form of a spouse in marriage or if it’s the new family we are adopted into once we become Children of the King (Hebrew 3:13 & Hebrew 10:24-25).

And just like any relationship, there are moments when we want to retreat and forsake the benefit of others. But when we retreat from fellowship, we must understand that we are not just seeking selfish interests, which the bible never promotes, but we are also ignoring the needs of the greater community by removing our gifts, presence and service.

I was told that every married couple goes through multiple marriages, which means that every couple goes through multiple seasons in their marriage. Many of our problems in marriage come when our expectations within our relationship stay the same even though the circumstances around us change.

There are three areas of the marriage process that I think we must recognize: The Chase, The Conflicts, and The Counsel.

The Chase

We work so hard to impress others during this process. I believe this can be dangerous if we are creating a false sense of self only to impress our potential mate. It is important not to create “garden leaves” that cover up your shortcomings. Exposing your weaknesses shows the mate where areas of discipleship are needed.

Second, when making the commitment to relationships, it’s important to avoid the fluff. Beauty, jobs, etc. are all important, but all that stuff is fleeting. One of the most important traits in your mate is discipleship. Is he/she a plumb line for righteousness? Will they sharpen you like Proverbs 27:17 communicates? Is he or she known in the city for their character? I don’t believe you need to wait until after the wedding to evaluate their character. How are their family relationships? How are they known at work? Do they live in peace with their roommates?

The Conflict

Conflict is expected in relationships when you get two jacked up people in the same space for a long period of time. Self-preservation begins to kick in. Dying to oneself looks like weakness and not strength. Doubt and temptation become a regular visitor of the mind. Therefore, marriage requires a constant taking up of one’s cross. When you get sick of serving your spouse is when you get sick of serving God and submitting to the spirit. 1 Peter 3:7 speaks clearly on how our mismanaged relationships can affect our fellowship with GOD.

I asked my wife to give advice to some ladies who struggle in service. She said, “Tell them to learn how to serve in spite of and not serve in spite.” This is priceless info. This is the epitome of doing as unto the LORD.

The Counsel

The greatest bit of information I got in marriage counseling was to always give 100% and expect 0% in return. This is the story of Jesus in many regards. Although He knew the return on His invasion of Earth would be great, He also knew that while doing ministry He would meet much opposition. However, He still served, fed and taught the same folks who would quickly ask for His death. He gave 100% of Himself to all, no matter the situation, knowing their intentions.

Often times we can be a very private society and close people off to our personal life. I also believe investing time with other healthy couples can be very healthy for a relationship. You get to see that your problems are not just your problems, but also that these problems shall too pass. They can help counsel you through many struggles they have probably been through as well.

I strongly believe that marriage is not this miserable institution, as Hollywood and other mediums like to suggest. Instead, it’s a reflection of God’s love and commitment to His people. When we enjoy our spouses, it is a reflection of our love for Him and the Gospel. I believe GOD doesn’t just want us to endure relationships, but He wants us to enjoy them—sexually, socially, and financially. All these areas should show a healthy representation of our covenant with Jehovah. I believe we should take every measure to make sure that our marriages are being a reflection of GOD’s grace to us.

Questions:

1. What can I do today that will show my spouse that I’m serving them in spite of?

2. Am I growing in the LORD with my spouse and not just existing in a house with them? Is there discipleship happening in the house?

Ask your spouse today, are they enjoying your presence and discuss what changes could be made to ensure that.

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