Festival in the Desert: 7 Days of Hope in the Hard Timesنموونە

Never Alone, Never Hidden

“God, please, please help me,” I stammered repeatedly as I paced through the narrow walkway between my bed and the closet of my room, the walls feeling like they were closing in around me. It was happening again. The panic attacks were becoming more and more frequent and came without warning. As my vision blurred and my body set to shaking, I found safety under the heavy quilt resting on my bed. Its weight settled on me as I lay there, fully covered and hidden from the world.

I had wandered to Ohio in the dead of winter in hopes of pursuing a relationship with a man who wanted to marry me during the peak of a season of depression and anxiety. In truth, I was initially convinced this could be my happily ever after. It wasn’t until I had given my “yes” to moving and had already driven a moving truck further east that I realized I wasn’t sure he was the one for me. I ignored my gut, blamed any hesitation on fear, and took the risk.

I hoped to remedy the brokenness I was feeling inside through external modifications. I thought it would fix the brokenness my heart carried from the rejection of the previous relationship, the loss of my grandmother, and the complete loneliness that plagued me constantly. I thought it would somehow prove that I was over all of the pain and had moved on.

However, the more I aimed to find solutions in my own strength, the further into my personal wilderness I wandered, scared, lonely, and confused. I wanted to be excited, but instead, the only thing I felt was disappointment with myself for all the ways I felt like I was failing in my attempts at trying to be happy again.

As I hid from the shame of my weakness and the tasks of my day begging to be completed under the covers in the guest bedroom of my new friend’s home, I wept bitterly. My thoughts raced to and fro, assaulting my logic as I began to wonder why God had abandoned me, all the while begging Him to come and rescue me from the mess I found myself in.

Within a matter of minutes, His Presence met me in that place. A calm washed over me and demanded the insanity to cease as I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, “I am not in the wind.” In His sheer Goodness, He spoke the phrase that He knew would hit home and settle my anxious heart.

My internal life had felt noisy and chaotic. “Windy” was what I kept calling it as if I had gotten sucked into a wind tunnel with no sense of direction or clarity. I just needed Him to let me know that He was with me, that He could handle the madness I was contending with, and that even though I had ventured out to Ohio and felt isolated and alone like my life was a complete mess, He hadn’t taken His Eyes, or His Hand off me.

That one sentence assured me that there was no single place I could go where He couldn’t reach or save me. It called me out from the blanket cave I ran and hid in and to His Word so that He could remind me again of how deeply He loves me and how, if I come to Him and if I cry out to Him and seek Him, He is Mighty to save.

Maybe you have felt like this too, wounded from rejection or still reeling from a breakup, and you’ve attempted to remedy it on your own by seeking out the next relationship too soon. Or maybe you’re wrestling with grief from losing a loved one, or you’re dealing with sickness and feeling alone in your pain. The list could go on, but if there is one thing I know with full certainty, it’s this: He will never leave or forsake us, friend.

There is no single place you can go where His Presence can’t find you. In the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, He is there, and even in the moments of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, He will take you by the hand and lead you.

Power Verse: Psalm 139:7-10

"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there, your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me."

Power Thought: Even in the desert seasons, God's Presence surrounds us. He never leaves us, guiding us through every challenge.

Reasons to Rejoice: The assurance that we're never alone, no matter how barren the season may seem, can bring comfort and hope. We can call out to Him and trust that He is Mighty to save us from all our troubles!

Prayer Prompt: "Dear God, help me to recognize Your Presence even in the most challenging seasons of my life. May I find comfort in knowing that You are always with me."

Opportunity for Reflection: Have you experienced God's Presence during a difficult time? If so, can you write out that memory and ask God to remind you of His peace? Or do you feel an absence of His Presence? If so, can you identify anything in your heart possibly keeping you from experiencing His Peace, like worry, disappointment, unbelief, or even grief, and ask Him to help you encounter Him?