Fathers Say…نموونە

It’s Not Fair

Guys like to fix things. We are hardwired to make things right and I’m no exception. But sometimes we cannot find solutions, despite how hard we fight for them.

My wife has Multiple Sclerosis (MS). The good news is that we found an incredible doctor who halted its progression without drugs or anything invasive. He’s brilliant. The bad news is that my wife was in a wheelchair prior to finding this doctor, and she still is not able to stand or walk.

Try as I might, I may not be able to fix my wife’s symptoms of MS.

Now, that’s a hard lesson for an adult to embrace. It’s even harder for a child to figure out. When my daughter was around nine years old, she began to experience the frustrations of what mom could not do because of her limitations.

In a world of soccer moms who seemed to be at the beck and call of their kids, my daughter did not have that same life many of her friends enjoyed. What seemed normal for everyone else was not the norm in our house.

One day, when another opportunity to do something with her friends was not realized because of mom’s physical limitations, the frustration was just too much for a child’s mind and heart to comprehend. I heard her burst into tears and run downstairs to the basement where I found her crumpled into a corner, repeatedly saying, “it’s not fair.”

As a father, how do you respond to that? All I could do was just be there, hold her, and do my best to assure her that despite how “unfair” life may seem to be, I would be there to love her. My role was simply to let my presence somehow absorb her fear and anxiety.

This is why absent fathers leave a gaping hole in how children process what is happening all around them today. Being there is half the battle. The other half is simply (and sometimes silently) loving our children.

That’s what a father does sometimes. Just be there. And exhibit a type of strength not measured by how much you can lift, but by how much you can share.

Question: Today, can you think of one thing you can help your child “process” when they are confronted with a life situation that overwhelms them?