Freedom From Sexual Bondage Part 2

DO BATTLE ON BOTH FRONTS

Trusting in Jesus Christ for spiritual rebirth will not remove all sexual desire; you were created as a sexual being. However, turning to Jesus does usher in a conflict of desires.

Let me explain. When you trust Jesus to be your Savior from sin and the Lord of your life, He immediately gives you a new nature and the Holy Spirit. The old nature, however, remains; it still desires selfish sexual pleasures. Your new nature desires sexual purity and holiness; therefore, a battle rages inside you between the nature of self-centered and God-centered desires (1 Peter 2:11). Both compete for you. Which will you serve?

Your new nature, empowered by the Holy Spirit, will enable you to overcome your old nature. The key to victory over sexual bondage is developing and maintaining an intimate, daily walk with the Lord Jesus Christ. It starts by flooding the new nature with healthy influences while at the same time starving the selfish nature by eliminating those influences that reinforce the old way of thinking and acting. These two things—eliminating self-centeredness and increasing God-centeredness—cannot be compartmentalized but must be simultaneously incorporated into your very way of life.

Love God with all your strength. Jesus said that the commands of God can be summed up in two commandments (Mark 12:30–31): “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.”

These principles should guide your life. If you follow them, you will not be permanently stuck in the sins of selfishness and pride.

Loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength means that you must pursue Jesus Christ with at least the same level of passion that you had pursued lust. The love of Jesus should be on your mind all day. In practical terms, loving God includes setting aside time daily to meet privately with Jesus in open communication. Begin by simply talking to Jesus Christ as you would a friend. Tell Him about your struggles and fears. Ask Him to rescue you and to give you His strength. Pour out your heart to Him. The more you get to know and trust Jesus, the more you will want to praise and worship Him from your heart and desire to follow His ways (see Psalm 119:1–40).

Another way of experiencing Jesus in your life is by reading the Bible. The Bible is God’s written revelation of who He is and His truth about life. Begin now by reading a few pages every day. Ask God to reveal Himself to you while you read about Him.

Loving the Lord also involves participating in a Bible-believing church. Jesus established the church, and He loves and cares for it today (Ephesians 5:25–32). Church is where you can find support and strength, join a men’s fellowship and Bible studies, establish an accountability partner, develop relationships where you share your life with other men, and encourage other believers (Hebrews 10:25).

Attending church is not about being religious, doing a good deed, or performing penance. Instead, participate because you want to meet with God, worship Him, and join with other men seeking Him. Even if you have had a negative church experience, find a church that follows the Lord, where you can connect with others who love and serve God with pure hearts. It is time to stop walking alone.

Learn to love others. God tells you that if you truly love Him, you will necessarily love others (John 13:34–35). Consider this: If you have a good friend but have no concern for his son or daughter, what kind of a friend are you? Every human is God's precious creation, made in His image just as you are, and He wants you to love them. Also, this means you look out for their interests.

What about pornography? Are you showing a sincere concern for the woman in the picture? Of course not. This helps explain why selfishness and pride cloud your relationship with God. Never use people for your selfish desires or treat them as objects. Replace selfish and prideful thoughts with a servant attitude. This involves investing your life in others—the opposite of selfishness. When you choose to love and help others instead of pursuing selfish sexual pleasures, a by-product is that the grip of lust will be continually diminished. In addition, the best cure for self-pity or loneliness is serving others. It will bring joy, satisfaction, and healthy relationships into your life.

Eliminate selfish practices from your life. Living a Proven life involves dying to selfish desires. It is time to remove all sexual immorality, including fantasizing, looking at pornography, or masturbating. This means far more than following a list of things to avoid. Avoiding certain practices will not relieve illicit sensual desires (Colossians 2:20–23).

How do you eliminate immoral practices without merely following a list of things to avoid? First, understand that indulging in selfish practices weakens your sensitivity to sin (Ephesians 4:19). Correct your thinking to end the fantasy life. The key is to recognize the sin of the fantasy life.

Second, do as God says, which is to hate sin (Psalm 97:10; Proverbs 8:13; Romans 12:9). If you are justifying your fantasy life or are chasing after pornography, then you are only playing a game at trying to stop. View it as an unhealthy, undesirable, unwanted evil in your life that is no longer welcome. Talk to God about this; ask Him to cause you to see it as sin. Then make a stand. Choose to hate it, and hate it hard!

When you find yourself in the middle of a lustful thought, immediately destroy it. Do not allow the thought to fully form. Say to yourself, “I take no pleasure from this thought. Through the power of Jesus, I reject it.” Confess your sinful thoughts to the Lord and repent. Replace the thought. The more you continue to do this, the less frequent tempting thoughts will occur. But be prepared to do battle! It will take discipline and effort to choose holiness and turn to God. Trust that the Lord will give you His strength. Struggles and trials develop perseverance and hope, which the Lord uses to transform you into His likeness.

Having accepted the importance of loving God and hating sin, it is still wise to establish certain boundaries to help in the battle against temptation. Do not rely upon boundaries to obtain freedom from sexual bondage. It is a changed heart toward God that leads to a changed life. Again, this only occurs by daily walking with and becoming dependent upon the Lord.

Some practical things to do as part of an overall strategy of reducing temptations include throwing away all videos and images used in lust, even swimsuit editions. Use an Internet block on all computers or phones. Do not go to places online that you know have caused you to stumble in the past. If television instills your selfish or lustful desires, then stop watching it! Replace secular music with Christian music.

Do not put yourself in situations where you will be tempted. You must determine to reduce tempting circumstances, such as scrolling through social media or watching sexually suggestive movies and TV shows. Change any rituals you followed when you lusted or acted upon your lusts. Avoid old stomping grounds, such as the gym or a place that displays pornography. Consider changing your route home from work if you feel any temptation driving near a particular location. Take inventory and then set boundaries that you will not cross, keeping in mind that they were things you did as a prelude to the type of sexual immorality in which you engaged.

If you spent years developing habits of fantasizing, masturbating, or viewing pornography, you will likely experience withdrawal symptoms, which can be nearly overwhelming. You may also feel tempted to continue your prior routines or even feel like giving up. Stay the course! Although setting boundaries helps to reduce the struggle, it is only a part of the battle plan. That is why it is imperative to simultaneously engage in activities of loving God and others, as explained above. Otherwise, the room in your heart that you have swept clean of lust will remain vacant, waiting to be filled, and you may find yourself facing troubles greater than before because some worse selfish practice moves in and takes its place (Matthew 12:43–45; 2 Peter 2:21).

Another point to remember is that when you experience a setback, do not give up. Confess it to Jesus and talk to Him about it. He will forgive you. Then find out what caused you to stumble, and work even harder at loving Jesus, loving others, and hating sin. You may also want to reexamine your boundaries and tighten them. Make all necessary changes to help prevent a reoccurrence. An accountability partner—someone you can call day or night when you begin to struggle with temptation and before you give in—is so important. If you do stumble, he is someone you can confess to, and he will help you back to your feet.

INCLUDING OTHERS IN THE HEALING PROCESS

You cannot overcome sexual immorality on your own. Freedom from sexual bondage requires dependence upon Jesus. God wants you to confess your sins to others (James 5:16; Acts 19:18). Confessing sins and maintaining accountability with others lifts the heavy weight off your shoulders. There will no longer be any area of your life that you must try to keep secret or hidden. God uses others to bring encouragement if you permit yourself to be vulnerable. A trusted friend can also help hold you accountable. Replace pride with humility and admit that you need God’s strength and other men in your life. Do not go it alone.

TEARING DOWN THE WALLS

Once you start turning away from sexual immorality, you will still need to learn to be vulnerable, caring, and loving with others. Generally, men who are struggling with sexual sin have developed false intimacy. You unconsciously substitute sex or fantasies for relationships. You bury most of your healthy feelings and rely upon sensual feelings. Part of seeking after sex is a search for intimacy without the risks and pain associated with relationships.

Even though you are forgiven for your sins when you accept Jesus into your heart, the past is not erased. The effects of years of hiding in false relationships do not just evaporate. The walls must be torn down for changes to be made in your life. Spend time evaluating how your prior influences (such as neglect or abuse) and learned relational styles (including ways of coping with hurtful experiences) have affected your current ability to relate with others. Defense mechanisms (or the walls built around your heart) may have been designed as protective measures, yet they now block you from experiencing life as Jesus intended. God wants you to move forward and to be more like Jesus daily.

Learn how to be vulnerable, open, and honest in your relationships. After acknowledging that in the past, you blocked off your heart or shut off some of your emotions, you can break the cycle in your present relationships. You will more fully express your love to Jesus, your family, and your friends. While it may be helpful for some to have a Christian counselor as a guide through some of these steps, when looking back, the goal must be to move forward. Never allow yourself to become consumed with the past or focused on the wrongs of others. Instead, tear down the walls quickly and race ahead toward the prize of having a stronger and more intimate relationship with God and others. Be careful not to rely on the counselor to keep you on the right path or allow him to be a crutch. Jesus is the answer, and you are the only one responsible for seeking after and yielding to Christ to be healed, transformed, and renewed by Him.

CONCLUSION

If you want to overcome sexual immorality, you cannot simply make it your goal to stop watching pornography or masturbating. Freedom from sexual immorality is a by-product of a right relationship with Jesus and a passionate heart toward God. The result of truly living for God daily is the basis for victory over selfishness and pride, the roots of sexual sins. Begin a relationship with God today and include others in the healing process. Selfishness and pride will begin to shrink, and you will no longer feel alone, helpless, or trapped in sexual immorality because you are now pursuing Jesus Christ and allowing Him to bring healing, satisfaction, and meaning in life.

Make a decision today to trust God with total and permanent control over your life. A victorious life will follow!

Heartwork

Have you committed to live for Christ and yielded to Him so He can live and act through you? (Reread this sentence, meditating on what it means. Make that commitment now.)

It’s time to end the selfishness and pride that have kept you in bondage. Start living in victory and freedom today through the power of God. It begins with yielding control to the Lord and following His ways.

Prayer

Seek a Proven life.

• Ask God to light in you a fire and passion to seek Him with all your heart. Spend several minutes talking to God about your desire for purity and a real relationship with Him based on your gratitude and love for Him.
• Repent of (turn from) the sins you once welcomed in your life.
• Talk openly to the Lord, sharing struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams.
• Ask Jesus Christ to give you His strength to fight temptations and a desire to live a life dependent upon Him so that you will live in victory.
• Ask God to give you an eternal perspective, renew your mind, and change your backward thinking about what matters in life.
• Confess how you have refused to be vulnerable with other men, and tell God how you will begin networking with others (including men with whom you develop close relationships), allowing them to be a part of your life and the healing process.
• Ask for God’s Proven seal to be stamped on you. Pray for other Proven Men, writing down their names as you pray. (You’ll soon realize that five minutes is not enough time for prayer!)